From Chapter 4

Here’s another excerpt from chapter 4 of my upcoming book, The Path of No Resistance. The book is available for pre-order now, http://garretkramer.com/book/, and will  be in stores on October 14th. I Hope you enjoy this sneak peak.

Garret

Why Free Will and Success Go Hand in Hand

How do you suppose the late South African president Nelson Mandela overcame his personal judgments, found inspiration and love, and survived twenty-seven years of captivity with such dignity and grace? He was cognizant, keenly so, of the path of no resistance. That’s how.

Mandela knew that his experience in jail was formulated by his own thinking—not by what anyone did to him. That’s not to say that he didn’t have feelings of hatred or despair during his detention. I bet he did. But feelings were his virus detector, and he knew that hatred and despair were viruses for sure.

The opposite of exercising free will, I believe, is thinking that something on the outside can regulate your life in any way. Circumstance or environment be damned, Mandela was free. And just like him—in spite of your boss, children, parents, teacher, or coach—you’re free to tackle life in any way that you see fit. We’ll get to rules, expectations, and goals next, but for now understand this: Adhering to a code of conduct (like Mandela did in prison) does not mean that a code of conduct can change the way you think.

Everyone is born with free will—everyone. So why is it that so few of us consistently act from this intrinsic level of functioning? Why do so many of us forfeit our free will and follow the paths of others?

The answer brings us back to the prevalence of the outside- in paradigm. From the time we’re young, we’re told to be afraid of this or that; we’re taught the difference between right and wrong. We live at the mercy of an illusionary circumstance-feeling link. For example, young children think nothing of playing outside for hours regardless of cold or heat. Until, that is, a concerned adult makes them aware of (and think about) the circumstance by telling them to put on a jacket or drink plenty of fluids.

To be clear, I’m not saying that layering up in the cold or hydrating in the heat isn’t essential for kids—it is. My point is that, left to their own intuition, there’s a pretty good chance that your kids will figure it out for themselves. And if they don’t, and a nudge in a certain direction is required, don’t disregard that your kids are allowed to see things differently than you. The minute a young person’s inner wisdom and instincts become shrouded by the opinions or judgments of someone else, his or her free will takes its first hit. When that horse leaves the barn, achievement becomes more and more difficult.

Remember when we were talking about productivity strategies and their potential negative effects? Well, a child or anyone who is subject to overbearing superiors or constant hovering will react in the same negative fashion. Reason being, the clash between a person’s intuition and the perspective of another almost always results in a bound-up mind-set—a level of functioning from which it’s impossible to perform.

Consider it like this: How do you feel inside when you’re told what to do or how to act? Now try to perform, or make a balanced decision, from that defensive, irritated, or insecure standpoint.

If you’re now wondering what can be done about this seesaw battle between providing or receiving loving advice and hindering free will, this is how it looks to me: First, judging another person and holding him or her accountable to an indiscriminate code of conduct won’t work in the long term. What will work, in my experience, is pointing others inward to their thinking in order to explain their feelings, and then allowing behavior to fall into place on its own.

Next, all of us—youngsters, pay attention, too—must come to grips with the fact that most of the time we can’t do anything about an authoritarian parent, coach, teacher, or employer. That’s why it’s essential to know that these individuals have zero control over our feelings. Truth is, when our mental states are low, these individuals will appear tough to deal with. But when our mental states are high, we get exactly where they’re coming from, so we’ll find our own way to use or discard any of their advice.

One last thing before we leave this topic. There’s nothing that expresses your free will more fully than turning your back on a circumstance that appears troubling. Your ability to do this, however, always comes down to how vividly you see the role of thoughts in crafting your perceptions. The deeper you understand that you live in the feeling of your thinking, and not the feeling of your circumstances, the easier it is to stay in the game and exercise your basic right to be free. Keep in mind: People who believe everything they think live in self-created prisons.

Now we’re set to continue down this revolutionarily simple path. Next, let’s take a close look at the setting of rules, expectations, and goals. It’s no mystery that this is one of my biggest instinct-cramping pet peeves…

 

So You Want to Be a Coach?

I’m often asked what it takes to start a career in the fields of life coaching, counseling, performance consulting, mental conditioning, and the like. Well, fact is: In spite of the many certification programs, coach-the-coach seminars, and online courses, which suggest that you can profit financially by becoming a coach, very few people actually make a decent wage coaching others.

But it can be done.

So, here are the factors I believe necessary to sustain a thriving coaching practice (and if you’re not interested in this line of work, keep reading; there’s still some valuable information below):

  1. You need to stand out from the crowd.

If everyone agrees with your perspective, you’re not standing out. If you write an article that gets a thousand retweets, for instance, you’re not necessarily making a difference. Keep in mind, if standard coaching paradigms (techniques that promise mental clarity, behavioral modification, the process of delving into a person’s past) were helping people today, there wouldn’t be so much greed, insecurity, prejudice, and acrimony in the world.

  1. You need to be willing to charge people for your services.

Many would-be coaches are afraid to up the ante and get in the game. If they charge for their services, then something they think they’re good at (helping others) becomes serious business with added responsibilities. If you don’t want to charge, that’s okay, find a different line of work and simply be a good friend to those around you.

  1. You need to prove to people that working with you will have a positive impact on their lives.

In other words, what do you know that your prospective clients are overlooking? How will learning what you know raise their performance level, income, or the value of their relationships? Plus, most importantly, has what you know (and plan to teach) raised the quality of your own life?

  1. You need to stop regurgitating a top-ten list for how to succeed.

Tips, strategies, or how-to’s are just personal opinions or theories. And there’s no truth in opinions or theories. The best coaches teach principles (truth), in regard to the human experience:  What do we all have in common? Where do our feelings come from? How do the minds of human beings work?  To make it as a coach—you must know the answer to these questions yourself.

  1. You need to get real.

You live in the real world. Meaning: You need to get back to people, be open to inquiries, not be late for calls, do what you say you’re going to do, and follow up with your clients. Those who understand #4 generally do this. But, still, I can’t stress enough how important (from a business and client-relation perspective) these items are.

  1. You don’t need a certificate or a training program to uncover what you already know.

When you’re ready to coach, you’ll know it—and so will others as they flock to your message. A certificate may look nice, but it’s not proof of your ability to move people. If you want to make a difference, then consider the inside-out teachings of those who changed the world: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Sydney Banks. Universal wisdom exists; you just have to know where to look—inside, not out.

Hope this list helps. Remember: These are just my ideas. So, pay attention to your own insights that spring from these ideas, not to the ideas word for word.

Garret

Why Analyzing Emotion Is Not in Your Best Interest

One question that often comes up in my work revolves around the subject of emotions: Is it okay to get mad, frustrated, anxious, sad, gleeful, excited, or even psyched up? The answer is: Not only is it okay, it’s totally normal. In fact, feeling emotion never gets us in hot water. We only find trouble when we make the mistake of analyzing—or attaching an outside source to—our emotions.

To demonstrate, let’s say a baseball player hits a towering home run. A natural high rushes through him. He feels fantastic. But, rather than simply embracing this feeling, as he rounds the bases he looks outside and determines that his high must have come from his home run. So, he tries to figure out what he did mechanically in order to hit more home runs (and feel more highs).

What happens next?

Since this analysis requires thought and effort, his head becomes clouded. By the time he crosses home plate his high is gone. He’s lost the unencumbered state of mind that led to excellence in the first place.

Truth is: Human beings work from the inside-out, not the outside-in—including the source of our emotions. Hitting home runs cannot create highs (just like striking out cannot create lows). A clear mind causes us to feel high, and highs are what create home runs.

So, as you round the bases in your own life, go ahead and feel—I mean really feel—emotion. Doing so is innate. It’s not innate, though, to analyze these inner sensations. Circumstance cannot cause feelings. Try to attach what you feel on the inside to what’s happening on the outside and, like our baseball player, you’re practically guaranteed to curtail your highs and exacerbate your lows.

Do you have to be lonely when you’re alone?

Okay, enough time has gone by. When I was on my European tour I actually got used to putting out a blog every day and some people got used to reading it and even liking it, and I know I’ve been sorely neglectful since I’ve returned.

So here’s the story:

I am ensconced at my family’s beach house at Nantasket Beach around Boston. I am here to write, but not to write blogs. I am here to write my new book, on which I have been working and making slow progress. I am also here without Amy, although she did visit me here for a few days and we had a spectacular time. But before, and now after we were together, I noticed a very interesting phenomenon. This circumstance is the exact opposite of what I experienced on my European tour. There, I was surrounded by people—wonderful people—almost constantly. I was met in every port. For the most part I stayed in their houses; they were so gracious. I loved it. During that time I found myself in an amped-up state a lot of the time. I love that kind of interaction with great people who kept changing, and kept me on the run. But it was also exhausting.

Now, at Nantasket Beach, where I know no one (except to say hi to a few neighbors) I am now totally alone. At first I had to get used to and push through the thought-created notion of loneliness. It’s funny to me, that we can be with someone and go away from them and be alone for a week or even a month, and not experience loneliness. But loneliness is one possibility. Yet, without the thought of loneliness, being alone—that is, not being with anybody—is simply a neutral fact. Loneliness has a longing and some pain attached to it. Alone” is a neutral phenomenon.

The first day I got here I felt simply alone. The second and third days I felt loneliness. I had nobody to share this experience with. The fourth and fifth days I was simply alone again without the not so nice feeling of loneliness. In the sixth and seventh days I dropped into a state of solitude. It was such a peaceful state. I loved it.

Loneliness, alone or solitude

The same phenomenanot being with anybody— can produce loneliness, alone, or solitude. But it’s not the phenomena that does it. As we know, thought is what does it.

I want to write out of peaceful solitude.

Of course, then I went back home to be with Amy for almost a week, and then she came down here to be with me for a few days, and after she left I felt loneliness again. This time, after one day it turned back into alone. And this morning, walking/running on the beach early at very low tide it was so gorgeous that I quickly dropped into a state of peaceful solitude. I have equal opportunity to create any of those states for myself, and no doubt many others.

 

What I do know is the closer I come to peaceful solitude, the closer to my true essence, my true nature, I am and feel.

And I need that state of being to write well. It is very difficult for me to write a good book. It is not so hard to write a book. A lot of people can write books. They can write them in a very short time. But to write a really good book is difficult, at least for me. It takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of intention. It takes allowing it to creatively flow when I feel it, and then it takes a great deal of craftsmanship to rewrite when I don’t feel it. How it will end up coming out is anybody’s guess right now. But I am hopeful, or I wouldn’t be doing it.

At the end of this week I will be doing a training in Maryland for a group of (mostly) Haitians. I’m really looking forward to it. One of them, Arielle, the person who arranged for me to do this, has a dream to go back to Haiti and begin a Modello-like project in her original home country. What could be better than that!

I’d also like to alert anyone interested that I am giving a webinar for the 3PGC this Thursday, July 17 at 12:00 noon, US Eastern time. The session is titled, Our Cutting Edge. I did a similar session for Michael Neill’s Super Coach Academy recently, but because I rely so much on questions from whomever is listening, it is bound to come out differently.

Last thing for now: I was happy to be part of Steve Light’s brainchild of having a bunch of Three Principles’ authors make available their books on Kindle for either free or a much-reduced price, over the July 4 weekend. I am happy to report that as a result of just my participation in this, 190 Modello, 245 Parenting from the Heart and 327 Somebody Should Have Told Us! were sold. I was very happy to make that contribution, and I would especially like to thank my publisher, CCB Publishing, for being so willing to participate.

I will have something else to report within a couple of weeks. Stay tuned.

The post Do you have to be lonely when you’re alone? appeared first on Center for Inside-Out Understanding.

Back To Reality – Jamie Sellers

I recently returned from my summer vacation this past week. As I was driving back to
work, the thought occurred to me, "well I guess it’s back to reality." Memories of my first cruise
experience would flash back into my mind. I started reminiscing on how much enjoyment I had
experienced the previous weekend. I thought about this lovely rainbow as we were heading out
to the Gulf of Mexico. I remembered the delicious food, beautiful weather, and all the
interesting people we met. I even went back and revisited all the photos we took, attempting to
relive this wonderful vacation in my head. During this trip there were so many moments of just
being completely present, peaceful, contented, and full of joy. Then out of the blue, a new
thought occurred to me..it's not back to reality now that my vacation was over, I was actually
escaping reality now!

This little insight reminded me of the fact when I experience deeper feelings such as joy,
peace, and contentment, which seem to be more common on vacation, I am actually
experiencing my true nature in those moments. I am present to life in those moments. I am
feeling the TRUTH. When I go into my head about what is missing from the moment, what
could be better, or what should or shouldn't happen, I lose my connection to those natural
feelings. All those nice feelings I had didn't come from the cruise ship, the food, the friends, or
where I was in relationship to the earth's equator. Those deeper feelings were ALWAYS there.
They never left me; I left them. I had fallen right into the trap of thinking my feelings following
the vacation were a natural response of what happens when you get "back to reality," when in
actual fact it was my thinking fooling me, secretly helping me escape reality. How comforting it
is to realize we don’t have to be anywhere or go anywhere to experience “vacation feelings.” So
from now on, "back to reality" is not such a bad thing.

Finding Resilience and Potential in Life

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”

I’ve harkened back to this old John Lennon lyric many times throughout my life, when things didn’t go according to my plan. It’s brought me comfort to remember this happens to all humans, though I can’t say that I liked it very much. I think that’s true for most people – they may give in to, or even accept the concept but not exactly embrace what comes their way.

I saw a deeper meaning to the lyric as my understanding of the Principles of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness unfolded through the years. I began to see that I have greater choice than to merely accept the way things occur. I began to see that it has to do with what I do with my own thinking around whatever happens. I could think perturbed thoughts, or I could think shucks I have to accept this, or I could think neutral, with no thought of judgment at all. I realized it’s up to me to steer my thought rudder around toward clear open waters rather than bash my ship against the rock wall that suddenly appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, on my well planned course.

“Thought is like the rudder of a ship. It guides you through life and if you learn to use that rudder properly, you can guide your way through life far better than you ever imagined. You can go from one reality to another. You can find your happiness…”
Sydney Banks, The Missing Link

When I didn’t go to judgment, I’d become curious, quite naturally. I wondered where the new path would lead me or what there was to learn from this new, unplanned event.

Finding Resilience and Potential in Life:


Understanding how Mind, Thought, and Consciousness work together to provide a very real experience of life was what allowed me to back off of my own thinking, to see that what I think and therefore how I respond, was optional. After all, I’ve witnessed others see the same thing differently and I’ve even experienced myself see the same thing differently at different times, so I realized it’s possible to just open my mind up to see the unexpected event or circumstance in a brighter light. Frankly, the results have been nothing short of miraculous.

Life happens and we do what we do with it according to what we make of it. Do you see what I mean?

Here’s an example from my own life: I expected to be finished with my book by now – actually, quite some time ago. Truth be known – I began it over five years ago! What I found is that it has a life of its own. I changed so much along the way, and I’m really glad it worked out that way because I know that I’ll have a much better book to offer, in the end.

If you have a story that illustrates finding resilience and potential in life, I’d love to hear about it in the comment section below.

Here’s to life unfolding in the way that it does and to each of us finding the bright spot within, that allows us to recognize the mystery behind it!

Finding Resilience and Potential in Life

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”

I’ve harkened back to this old John Lennon lyric many times throughout my life, when things didn’t go according to my plan. It’s brought me comfort to remember this happens to all humans, though I can’t say that I liked it very much. I think that’s true for most people – they may give in to, or even accept the concept but not exactly embrace what comes their way.

I saw a deeper meaning to the lyric as my understanding of the Principles of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness unfolded through the years. I began to see that I have greater choice than to merely accept the way things occur. I began to see that it has to do with what I do with my own thinking around whatever happens. I could think perturbed thoughts, or I could think shucks I have to accept this, or I could think neutral, with no thought of judgment at all. I realized it’s up to me to steer my thought rudder around toward clear open waters rather than bash my ship against the rock wall that suddenly appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, on my well planned course.

“Thought is like the rudder of a ship. It guides you through life and if you learn to use that rudder properly, you can guide your way through life far better than you ever imagined. You can go from one reality to another. You can find your happiness…”
Sydney Banks, The Missing Link

When I didn’t go to judgment, I’d become curious, quite naturally. I wondered where the new path would lead me or what there was to learn from this new, unplanned event.

Finding Resilience and Potential in Life:

Understanding how Mind, Thought, and Consciousness work together to provide a very real experience of life was what allowed me to back off of my own thinking, to see that what I think and therefore how I respond, was optional. After all, I’ve witnessed others see the same thing differently and I’ve even experienced myself see the same thing differently at different times, so I realized it’s possible to just open my mind up to see the unexpected event or circumstance in a brighter light. Frankly, the results have been nothing short of miraculous.

Life happens and we do what we do with it according to what we make of it. Do you see what I mean?

Here’s an example from my own life: I expected to be finished with my book by now – actually, quite some time ago. Truth be known – I began it over five years ago! What I found is that it has a life of its own. I changed so much along the way, and I’m really glad it worked out that way because I know that I’ll have a much better book to offer, in the end.

If you have a story that illustrates finding resilience and potential in life, I’d love to hear about it in the comment section below.

Here’s to life unfolding in the way that it does and to each of us finding the bright spot within, that allows us to recognize the mystery behind it!

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The post Finding Resilience and Potential in Life appeared first on Lori Carpenos & Associates.

Seven Inside-out Traits of Great Leaders

There have been thousands of books and articles written about leadership. There’s also a plethora of companies today that teach leadership skills. In my experience, however, these resources are mostly someone’s ideas or theories about the specific behaviors that define great leaders. Yet, if you look closely, you’ll find that the behavior of inspiring leaders does not fit a specific mold. The wildly different Gandhi and Vince Lombardi were both great leaders, for instance.

So, regardless of behavior, what truly defines leadership? To me, it’s the following seven inside-out traits:

  1. Great leaders know (beyond a shadow of a doubt) that their feelings come from their thinking, not their circumstances.

What’s the main reason that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was one of the finest leaders of all time? He knew that his feelings came from inside of him. In spite of the dysfunctional actions of many, King realized that his perceptions of other people were based on the normal ebbs and flows of his own thinking (and subsequent moods). In short, great leaders look inside of themselves for explanations. This allows them to live in clarity more often—a necessity if you want to motivate others.

  1. Great leaders know that judgment is not helpful.

Here’s a simple rule: Judging another person says more about your state of mind than the other person’s. When your head is cluttered, you’ll be prone to judge. When your head is clear, you won’t be. Great leaders know that when their feelings are cluttered, disquiet, or insecure—they’re not capable of making sound assessments. They wait for clarity, peace of mind, or understanding to set in—and evaluate the actions of others from this perspective.

  1. Great leaders act from a feeling of inspiration, not desperation.

This trait might seem obvious. Yet, no matter how hard a person tries, if he or she doesn’t understand the purpose of feelings, acting from desperation will occur too often. Great leaders understand that an “off” gut feeling is an intuitive sign that they’re not seeing things quite right. So, making decisions from this psychological disposition won’t pay dividends. Leadership is about acting only from inspiration—when a person feels unencumbered, compassionate, and free.

  1. Great leaders are genuine.

Following another person’s approach to leadership will not work for you. Great leaders do not act like someone else. They’re real, spontaneous, and natural—never scripted. Remember: Genuineness is an offshoot of clarity, which originates from not blaming the outside world for one’s feelings. Those who look inside for explanations are wonderfully unique. All leaders are.

  1. Great leaders know that their words are less important than the state of mind from which they speak.

Words do not convey truth; feelings do. That’s why people can say the same words with opposite connotations. Great leaders know that their words are merely an echo of a feeling—and positive feelings only originate from positive states of mind.

  1. Great leaders keep goal setting in perspective.

Those who appreciate the inside-out nature of life know that the more people focus on an outside “prize,” the more they obstruct their awareness, shrink their perceptual field, and limit possibilities. Great leaders understand that achieving goals does not elevate self-worth or happiness. Instead, they relish the journey—the relationships and experiences—as the path toward creating what they want turns clear.

  1. When in doubt—great leaders look to love.

Great leaders set guidelines based on one overriding principle: Love for others. They grasp, above all else, that love is the epitome of a clear mind. So, when they’re jammed-up and not reaching their audience, great leaders look to love. How to help others then becomes obvious.

Thanks for reading. If you have questions, comments, or additions to this list—please let me know.

Garret