The Surprising Secret of Highly Confident People – Véronique Pivetta

About a year ago, I realized something had shifted for me when it comes to « confidence ». I was on the way to a restaurant, where I was meeting someone for lunch for the first time. As I was walking and enjoying the sunshine, all of a sudden it hit me : « I’m not nervous. » This took me by surprise. I wondered how and when that had happened. Before, I had always been nervous about meeting up with people for the first time. I would try to prepare for the conversation. Will I know what to say? Will we connect? What if I can’t answer his questions? What if I’m not articulate? As I remembered that I used to think all that before, I realized all those fears just seemed silly to me now. I just thought, « Well, whatever happens, I’ll just see what comes up. If nothing comes up I’ll wait and listen. If something comes up, I’ll probably share that. ».

How could I be so relaxed and confident about this? Well, while learning about the Principles, I came to see for myself that Wisdom is always there to guide me, every step of the way. The thing is, when it comes down to it, we always know how to handle the moment, in the moment. And that’s what Confidence really means! I’m not « confident » because I think I know everything, or because I figured out before the fact what I would say if different scenarios play out. I’m confident that there’s an endless tap of wisdom that is always at hand. I’m confident that new thought can come to me at any moment « out of nowhere », responsive to the moment. That’s how the system works, that’s how we function as human beings, every single one of us.

We are informed by this incredible intelligent energy, the human potential. In the Three Principles community we call this energy Mind. This resource is always available to us « in streaming ». It’s like having a high speed internet connection available non-stop, so no need to have a whole bunch of stuff (= what if scenarios, conversations) downloaded on our hard drive (= intellect, memory). We can just show up every day, in any situation, and get fresh new information in the moment that is perfectly suitable and informed, and perfectly right for this particular situation, in this particular moment.

So, if this is true, how come we don’t always feel confident? How come we don’t always feel guided? Well, I would say it’s all just a simple misunderstanding. Most of us grew up with an incomplete understanding of how life works, how human beings function. Somewhere along the way we start believing that the best way to find answers and solutions is to think, analyse, « search our hard drive ». Until someone points us in a different direction, shows us another way, and then we can start looking in that direction for ourselves, and see for ourselves that there is an easier way to navigate life. Once we start looking, we can start seeing.

Confidence, Take Two

I’ve received a bunch of interesting questions pertaining to last week’s article ( That’s the reason for this follow-up post. I’m going to answer the main questions and cover all bases concerning my perspective on confidence. No doubt, self-belief can get real tricky.

For starters, last week I said that confidence can only come from inside of you—from your thinking. I also said that your level of confidence will fluctuate based how clear or cluttered your mind is. However, what I didn’t mention is that most of the time it will look like your circumstances are what affects your confidence, even though this is never the case.

For example, when I initially received a few negative reviews for my first book, Stillpower, I became extremely self-conscious. I even questioned if I should have written the book. It appeared that the bad press was responsible for my drop in confidence. Yet, knowing that my insecurity spawned directly from my thinking (not from the reviews) is what allowed me to get over these feelings in short order. In fact, the reviews still exist today and most of the time I’m perfectly fine with them. If my confidence was tied to the reviews (a circumstance), I’d still care—a lot.

You should also know that confidence is not a requirement if you want to perform well or even great. Yes, there are many who disagree with me on this. But human beings simply cannot control the thinking that randomly pops into our heads, nor the resulting feelings—including feeling self-assured or confident. And, as I explained last week, the more you try to control or do something about a lack of confidence—since deliberate doing requires thinking—the more jammed up you’ll get and the less confident you’ll feel.

Remember: Every person alive is blessed with the psychological power to find better feelings and overcome without effort (resilience). What obstructs this power is our misguided use of coping mechanisms—external excuses, mental strategies, how-to techniques, relaxation practices—for this purpose. In other words, you can’t force clarity and you can’t force belief. You can, however, know where they originate: from the ever-changing nature of your thinking.

Still doubting yourself? A circumstance-confidence link does not exist. So, look inside. It may be temporarily covered, but confidence is always there.

Parenting from the Principles – Terry Rubenstein

How would I parent without an understanding of the nature of thought and experience? I have no idea -but what I do know is that I well up with gratitude for the little I have learnt that has allowed me to absolutely love and treasure my six boys and the everyday gift of being their mother.

My boys are aged 2 , 10,11 ,14,16 ad 17. Each one at different times is going through different experiences and challenges in negotiating their way through the maze of the human experience. At times for each one it can be more intense or more graceful depending on their state of mind and quality of thinking. I as their mother watch in awe and humility as I see 6 beautiful, capable and resourceful souls coming in and out of wisdom and common sense and occasionally dipping into frustration and despair. How perfect they seem in context of the knowledge I have of the wholeness of each one. How strong and resilient they seem in the knowledge of their innate wisdom and spiritual core. How much faith I have in the buoyancy of their health to bring them back to their true selves even in the midst of their lostness and despair. It is a wonderful experience to be a parent from an understanding of the spiritual truth behind the human experience It allows us to let our children be. It allows us to gently guide them if necessary but to trust in their own conscience  and inner knowledge of how to show up in the world. My boys love that I show them the respect I have for their inner wisdom to guide them , they love it when I  am able to let them experience the fullness of life's joys and disappointments without jumping in to fix their own creations of life.  They love learning that their frailties and failures are part of a wholeness and oneness that is perfect and complete. They love learning that there  is something deeper than their senses sometimes allow them to feel. They love the feeling of having the freedom to create anew in each moment and not be judged for the previous one. To able see the innocence of our children's thinking as it leads them astray ,allows  us as parents to see a place beyond their behaviour that is a porthole to the infinite potential inside each one of them. To not be able to see this potential in our children is the cause of much insecurity and anxiety in parents and children.

Am I the perfect mother? For sure not!! But my  children do not need me to be perfect as there  is nothing I can give them that they dont already have     They are love, they are wisdom , they are the spiritual truth that they seek. 

Me and the boys are all learning , discovering and making our way together through the game of life( sometimes with mud on our hands!!) but with a sense of fun, with a feeling of hope, with a ray of light and with  a sense of relief that we are all in it together and deep within our consciousness we have the answers we are looking for.


Here’s some misinformation that I’ve heard while watching sports programs over the past few months:

“Success creates confidence.”

This morning, for instance, I heard a golf announcer ask a PGA tour player: “Have your two wins last season instilled the belief in you that you’re one of the best players on tour?” Even mental-conditioning coaches and sports psychologists do their best to infuse confidence. Trouble is: Those athletes (or anyone) who believe that something on the outside (as in success) can make them feel more confident, will, more often than not, feel less confident.

Why? Everyone lacks belief when their mind is cluttered, and everyone believes when their mind is clear. You can’t try to do something to become more confident because deliberate doing requires thought. And thoughts in your head are what make you feel unconfident in the first place.

To illustrate, if a hockey goalie believes that making saves builds confidence, it will make sense to him to grind his rear end off in a quest to make saves. But since confidence doesn’t come from this external pursuit—it comes from how cluttered or clear he is—both success and confidence become more elusive as he tries harder to make saves and binds himself up more. It’s not until he takes his foot off the gas pedal, stops grinding, that clarity and confidence return.

The key to confidence, then, is to understand that no matter how many saves you make, how many golf tournaments you win, or even how much money you have in the bank, your level of self-belief is a direct reflection of how much thinking you’re carrying around in your head at any given moment. And, by design, your thinking naturally ebbs and flows.

Truth is: Even the greatest winners lack faith when their heads are jammed. So, when you feel unsure, just keep playing (or living) and permit your state of mind to self-correct. Win or lose, confidence comes down to your ever-changing level of clarity—not your ever-changing life.

The Three Principles and Stress – Judy sedgeman

The moldy old notion that a little stress is good for you has shriveled and died under the bright light of science. No stress that is not a brief and appropriate response to a real need for action is ever good for anyone. Period. Science in the past decade has shown that conclusively. No argument. Stress underlies the chronic diseases that are overwhelming our health system and destroying the quality of middle and late life.

The anti-stress movement today is much like the anti-smoking movement of the 20th century. In 1964, the US Surgeon General's report that conclusively linked smoking with lung cancer and other diseases was issued. At that time, the majority of people smoked. Smoking was common in all public spaces, including college classrooms, restaurants and airplanes, not to mention hospitals and libraries. It was not only socially acceptable, but portrayed in movies as socially desirable and sophisticated. It took at least a generation for public opinion to catch up with the Surgeon General so that smoking gradually disappeared from public life and fewer and fewer people defended or took up the habit. In the first years, it felt like smoking was so tightly woven into daily life that it would be hopeless to unravel it, and no one really knew how to stop it anyway. 

What is different today is that news and information travel very fast, and we DO know what to do about stress. An understanding of the three Principles can eliminate stress. Stress could disappear quite rapidly as the world takes up the understanding of the Principles.

Stress is manifested as a neuro-chemical change in the brain which triggers biochemical changes in the body. Where does the brain get the signal to change its chemistry? From thought. Where does the brain get thoughts? From our constant creation of thoughts from the neutral energy of Mind. How do we know the brain is doing its job? We are conscious of the manifestations of stress in our sensory system. Why does this help us? Our consciousness of stressful feelings gives us the information we need to know when to leave our thinking alone and quiet down. How do we quiet down? We know the true nature of thought, we understand that we are creating our reality from within via Mind, Thought and Consciousness, and we have no need to fix the outside world to get I'd of our stress. With that understanding, we can count on our own Psychological immune system to bring us back to balance if we don't interfere.

The answer to stress is understanding the Principles at work. It really is that simple. Everyone in the world who us experiencing high levels of stress right now is one insight about the nature of thought away from being at peace.

Wisdom of the week: Pathway to love…

Pathway to love, peace of mind and wisdomThe pathway to love, peace of mind and wisdom is to realize that the only way we cannot experience those is by thinking otherwise. Therefore, a calm mind—a mind not filled with extraneous thoughts—is the pathway.

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What can you learn from low moods?

Caution - low mood thinkingWe all have low moods. It’s part of life. Moods vary all the time. Sometime we are up and sometimes we are down.

The Three Principles teach us that we experience our thinking from moment to moment. In fact we live in our own thought created experience ALL the time.

So when we are in a low mood we tend to have low quality thinking and our feelings are not great. We may be anxious, frightened, stressed, nervous or constricted in some way.

These feelings are the opposite of those we get in a high mood. Then we tend to be loving, caring, compassionate and expansive.

Low mood thinking is constricted so we are not getting new information. Our stale thoughts tend to cycle round and round. That is a good indication that our thoughts are not to be trusted. It is not the time to address problems, make important decisions or fix your relationship.

Best to ride it out. As the Three Principles also teaches us, new thought is always possible. IF you are not hanging onto your low mood thoughts, and realize that they are just thoughts, then eventually a new thought will come along.

The good news is that the system is designed to reset itself back toward health. Your next thought might be wiser, and your mood may begin to rise.

Once your mood is higher, the quality of your thinking will improve. THEN you can act because you have access to wisdom that simply was not available when your thoughts were stale and constricted. That wisdom, the innate intelligence of the system, is always there – it is only our personal thinking that stops us from seeing it.

The post What can you learn from low moods? appeared first on InnerChanging.

The Truth About Supremely Happy People

…if only people knew the truth about supremely happy people.

By Lori Carpenos, LMFT and Jack Pransky

Very happy people all have one thing in common, though most of them don’t even know what it is. The truth about supremely happy people is that they spend more time living in positive, upbeat thinking than the rest of the population. They don’t do it on purpose; it’s natural to them. If you took a closer look you’d see that they don’t focus on what they don’t like in life. They are more enamored with, more intrigued by, and more interested in the joyful aspects of life. If two poles existed with positivity at one end and negativity at the other, they would naturally gravitate toward the positive. Because they enjoy it so much they tend to have more benevolent thinking. They don’t even know they’re doing it because they don’t think they’re doing anything. And they’re not; they’re just being. They would say, “Well, what other way is there to be?”

How do we know this about them? Because we know this about us! It’s not that we’re happy all the time, but when we’re not we don’t take it too seriously. We know it will pass and, lo and behold, the happiness eventually returns.

Unlike many of the people we spoke of above, seeing through the eyes of happiness and positivity did not come naturally to us. Jack’s ex-wife used to call him “Doctor Doom” because he was always looking at what could go wrong. Lori was depressed for years and spent years talking about it to a therapist!

But we learned the truth about supremely happy people.

We learned about “The Three Principles,” and by “principles” we mean “universal truths” or facts about how our entire experience of life is created—not what happens to us in life, but what we make of what happens to us, or our internal experience of whatever happens to us. In other words, what we have come to understand about these three psychological/spiritual principles at the core of all human experience is what brought us to the state in which happy people naturally live. Anyone can attain a happier, more joyous experience of life with a deep enough understanding of these principles.

We do not have enough space here to go into detail about what the three universal principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought are, but to cut to the chase, at their essence and most simply, what these principles mean is that whatever happens in the outside world can never make us happy or unhappy. What makes us happy or unhappy or any other feeling or emotion comes from our own thinking appearing and feeling real to us. Happy people are happy because they see themselves and the world through happy eyeballs (their own thinking), plain and simple. Unhappy people are unhappy because they see the very same things through the eyes of anger or upset or disappointment or frustration or worry or bother or depression or any other emotion. In other words, happy people create their own happiness simply because of what they see with their own creative power of thought made to look and feel real by their consciousness. Therefore, happiness is their own creation.

And here is an even more amazing thing that we learned from understanding the three principles: If we didn’t take our unhappy thoughts seriously they wouldn’t impact us and we would automatically be happy! We don’t have to go out of our way to think up positive or happy thoughts (that’s too hard!), because joy and happiness is already naturally built into the human spirit, and the only way human beings cannot experience it is if they create the illusion with their own thinking that life is otherwise. Such thinking puts a veil over the internal happiness that exists, and which would be there for everyone to see if they weren’t thinking otherwise. Now, there is nothing one can do to stop those thoughts and the resulting feelings from popping into our heads, but when other than joyful, loving, peaceful or wise thoughts do pop in, we don’t have to take them to heart, we don’t have to believe them, trust them or follow them. We simply allow them to pass through like clouds across the sun.

We could not have an experience of anything without the ability to think! That’s a fact.  We could not have an experience of anything if we had no consciousness of our thoughts; it would be like reading a book in a foreign language that we didn’t understand a word of. That’s a fact. And without the energy behind life (the principle of Mind), the creative source of everything, we would not be able to think or be conscious. That’s a fact. All we have to understand is how these facts work together to create any possible experience, any feeling, we can ever have.

Think about it: We could not possibly be in a bad mood without low quality thoughts, and vice versa. We could not possibly be in a good mood without high quality thoughts and vice versa. Most of our thinking is not voluntary; thoughts just occur, constantly, for all of us every moment of our lives. We get into habits of thinking, however, which can result in labels, such as pessimist, optimist, worrywart, Debbie Downer, Nervous Nelly, etc. Our individual thoughts create outcomes—sort of a built-in system of consequences–all brought about by us!

Outcomes change however, for people who know enough about the three principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought and how they operate within every human being. A deep understanding of these principles naturally results in greater resilience, common sense, happier lives (no matter what is going on in the outside world), greater passion for life and a more generous spirit, as well as a greater appreciation for ordinary life experiences. There’s nothing to cultivate or make happen. These are the outcomes from a simple understanding.

This is not as much of a mystery as it sounds on the surface. Psychologist Abraham Maslow found that everyone in their best or peak moments displayed the same characteristics as ”self-actualized” people. In other words, even generally miserable people have happy moments, and in those happy moments they are thinking the way the happiest people think generally. This means we all have it in us to be happy because in moments we are! We all know how to be that way because it happens to us, sometimes even in spite of ourselves. All we have to do is realize what our minds look like and function like in those moments, allow it to happen more often and disbelieve our thinking when we’re not thinking that way.

We don’t want you to believe us. Simply look inside yourself and see if it’s true for you. If you want to learn more about it and understand it better you can watch interviews of people from all walks of life talk about these three principles at or or read books such as Somebody Should Have Told Us! by Dr. Jack Pransky. There is no doubt that understanding these Principles leads to greater happiness—at least it has been no doubt for us and for the thousands of others who have caught on to the way life really works.

If you live anywhere near Hartford, CT, USA please consider coming to a Retreat on Feb. 28 and March 1, led by two renowned 3 Principles teachers, Drs. Pettit and Sedgeman.