Parenting Is Too Important to be Taken Seriously

Role modeling provides the most influence in child rearing.  As sensible human beings, our children pay more attention to what we do than what we say. They know that people’s behavior tells you what they believe in.

How we are in life tells our children what is “realistic”. If we are lighthearted and easy-going, our children see that as realistic in life. If we are grim and serious they conclude that that is the nature of life.

We would do well to remember that 100% of our children's observations of us are when we are with them. We might be happy and lighthearted when we're not with them; but if we are stressed and serious around them, then that is the role model that they see.

Any parent that gains an understanding of The Three Principles of Mind, Thought and Consciousness will become more resilient as a parent. Children will pick up on this resilience and head in that direction themselves. All we have to see is that any feelings of stress and unhappiness are just our momentary thoughts translated into a feeling. If we see that it is in the nature of thought to be transitory, temporary, and illusory then we will see how quickly these thoughts of stress and distress passed through our minds uneventfully.

It is most natural for us to enjoy parenting. This is very to easy to see when looking at the joy that grandparents experience in being with their grandchildren. Grandparents pick up on the innocence, love and joy that are so abundant in children. Those treasures are there for parents to see as well and we do see them when our vision is not obscured by all the thoughts of the “serious responsibilities” of parenting.

Parenting is too important to be taken seriously!  When we get out from under our serious thoughts and feelings, we will see the wisdom available to guide us in our parenting.  Guaranteed.

In short, it is the role modeling that matters!

How to cope with bad moods

Bad moodsWhere do bad moods come from? This question is at the heart of the answer to coping with a bad mood. And the answer might not be what you expect.

Conventional wisdom has it that your mood comes from circumstances.

  • You have had a “bad day” at work.
  • The commute home was fraught with delays.
  • The kids have been badly behaved.
  • Someone was rude to you at the supermarket.
  • Your team lost the big match.
  • The dinner you cooked was spoilt.

Whatever the circumstances, there are no no end of reasons for being in a bad mood. That is until you learn how our psychological reality is created.

In the understanding from which I work, all of these reasons boil down to one spiritual fact: we think. None of these circumstances creates our mood. It is our thinking about them that does so.

Same situation – different reactions

Consider for a moment the fact that two people can be in the same traffic jam and experience it quite differently. One may be frustrated and angry; the other relaxed and enjoying listening the car radio.

Same traffic – different experience.

Perhaps you’ve  been stuck in traffic more than once? Maybe your experience wasn’t always the same?

The difference is not the outside world, but what goes on in our mental lives.

Each thought we have is tied to a feeling. You can’t think happy thoughts and feel sad, or vice versa. That’s just not how the system works.

What are the traditional ways of dealing with a bad mood?

A quick look around shows quite a choice.

  • Take a relaxing bath.
  • Have a massage.
  • Take some exercise.
  • Meditate.
  • Think positively.
  • Use affirmations.
  • Watch a funny movie.
  • The list goes on…

Many of these seem to work. But they have one flaw. They are based on an outside-in view of the world. I mean that they assume (again) that circumstances outside will change what’s going on inside.

A relaxing bath can work, but it is not the warm water and peaceful surroundings that cause the change in mood. Rather it is your thinking that has changed. Have you ever been in that same relaxing bath and found yourself thinking dark thoughts? Well it’s not the bath that causes either good or bad moods. It is your thinking.

So what is the alternative approach to coping with bad moods?

Once you understand that you are experiencing the feeling of your thinking then things begin to change all on their own.

I find that there’s a peace at the heart of a bad mood, if you just let it be. That advice — to do nothing — seems counter-intuitive but it works. If it didn’t we’d all be stuck in our bad moods forever.

When you are in a bad mood there is comfort in knowing that a new thought will be along. In the meantime this is not the time to address the big issues in your life. Watch what you say and remember that your low mood is reflected in the quality of your thinking. Your thinking is not to be trusted.

If you begin to see the connection between your thoughts and your feelings, your inner wisdom will naturally assert itself. Human beings are programmed towards feeling good and away from feeling bad. Your wisdom, knowing that your thoughts are leading to bad feelings, will naturally return you to a more positive state in time.

Your bad mood is like the clouds that temporarily hide the sun. Behind the mood there is always your wisdom and health, and like the sun it can only temporarily be hidden. Eventually your wisdom will shine through.

While you wait for that to happen you can explore how your thoughts are creating your reality moment by moment. That exploration is something that will help you immensely in all aspects of your life.

The post How to cope with bad moods appeared first on InnerChanging.

How I ended my misery over Les Mis

Does Les Misérables create misery?It is fascinating how you can be blind to aspects of your own thinking even when you understand the principles behind human psychology.

According to these principles, we feel our thinking. So if you’re happy then it’s because you’re thinking happy thoughts. Conversely if you’re sad then it’s your sad thoughts that are behind the feeling.

I understand this and yet there are times when I miss making that connection completely.

One instance for me is the musical Les Misérables. My wife, Sue, and daughter Siân, both love this musical. And I have not. So much so that it became a family joke. It was misery for me even to think of going to see Les Misérables.

But that wasn’t about my thinking. No Sir! It was the fact that the music was annoying.

Of course if I had thought about it I would have known that this could not be the reality. Not only did Sue and Siân love the musical but thousands of others did too.

That is how this thing works. We each live in our own thought created realities. For some Les Misérables is lovely; for others it is horrible. The difference is our thought about it.

Recently, we were in London and Sue and Siân wanted to see Les Misérables. This time I came along with an open mind. And to my surprise I found myself not only enjoying the experience but humming the tunes afterwards!

I didn’t force myself to do this. I didn’t sit in that theatre seat and repeat affirmations (“I must appreciate the music”). Merely by understanding the nature of my psychological reality, and how thought creates my experience, I was naturally open to a new way of thinking about Les Misérables.

I am sure that this will not be the only blind spot I have about how my experience comes from thought. After all I haven’t even begun to let go of my judgements about Andrew Lloyd Webber but at least I know it is possible.

The post How I ended my misery over Les Mis appeared first on InnerChanging.

The Post-game Handshake—a Different View

For those of you who don’t know me well, let me start off by saying that I’m all about connections between people and clarity of mind. This article, however, will raise some eyebrows.

You see, I’m not a fan of the required practice of the post-game handshake in youth and scholastic sports. It’s contrived, forced, and disingenuous. To me, it potentially thwarts free will and one’s natural instincts.

Now (being all about connections and clarity) it’s not that I object to players shaking hands. What I disapprove of is the mistaken belief that making players shake hands, and similar required rituals, will teach them respect or sportsmanship. These sentiments cannot be instilled by telling someone how to act. In principle, human beings don’t work that way.

A few years back, for example, my son was criticized by an opposing baseball coach for not shaking hands with a particular player following a game. I asked him what happened, and he forthrightly told me that he didn’t want to “shake that player’s hand.” My response: “If you don’t want to shake someone’s hand, that’s up to you.”

Why was that my response? Well, and stay with me here, I don’t believe in the programming of children. Thwarting my son’s free will or ability to decide for himself was the last thing I was going to do. Sure, his disposition probably wasn’t ideal, but compelling a person to do something is, in my experience, always a recipe for further dysfunction.

Here’s something else to consider about the post-game handshake: When it isn’t mandatory (like in pro sports) players and coaches tend to do it, without incident, at the right place and time for each. Free will allows love and realness to flourish. External strategies meant to foster goodwill—they fill our heads with someone else’s ideas about right or wrong, preventing the clarity of mind which truly creates respect.

If you’re a sports parent (or just curious), simply take note of what happens in the handshake line after your kid’s next game. My bet is that with their heads turned down or to the side the players will swiftly march past each other robotically slapping hands. Again, you can’t deliberately generate good feelings between people. Good feelings (and behavior) are only capable of rising to the surface on their own. Human beings work one way: from inside to out.

Kids Know Better

Invariably, when I talk to adults about the crux of my work—that our feelings can only be generated from inside of us; from our thinking—they want to know how to improve their thoughts. What’s interesting, though, is that when I talk to kids about my work, they seldom ask the same question. It’s as if adults need to be taught that their experiences are shaped from the inside-out, while young people simply need to be reminded of it.

Still, the question gets asked, so here’s my response: As people who suffer begin to appreciate the link between their thinking and feelings, and that there’s no real link between their circumstances and feelings, the mind’s accumulation of stale (habitual) thinking begins to falls away on its own—to be replaced with new thought or insight. They then feel better and better and behave more productively.

The reason that this principle doesn’t require much explanation for young people is that, intuitively, everyone knows that moods are the byproduct of the random amount of thinking a person has in his or her head (bound-up head = bad mood; clear head = good mood). And while kids get upset, too, they’re closer to this truth than you and me. To illustrate, if you’re a parent, have you ever tried to reason your child through a funk (seemingly about something) only to be blown off completely? That’s because your kid knows better. Talking about, coping with, or putting a positive spin on an external circumstance requires additional thinking, which leads to more grief, not less.

Remember, the only way to improve your feeling state is to understand what creates it. Unhappiness can only be experienced and maintained when your head is filled with thought. And if you habitually look outside for excuses and fixes for how you feel on the inside, your head won’t clear.

Here’s why small children don’t often wallow in insecurity, hold grudges against others—or overthink: They haven’t been wrongly trained yet that their upsets come from something or someone else. So they haven’t formed an imaginary connection between their feelings and the world outside. Again, due to thought, all kids become temperamental from time to time. But not for long. Continually, they self-correct to clarity and then love, instead.

Jack Pransky Three Principles European Tour

Meet Jack Pransky at a training in Europe

Jack Pransky will be embarking on a European Three Principles Tour from around March 1 through around May 4, 2014. This came about because people from a number of European countries had been asking if he would be willing to come there to do trainings, and when it reached a critical mass he decided to put it all together. Below is his schedule as known to date. While he is in or around your respective countries, if anyone would like to schedule individual coaching or counseling sessions with him—or trainings or seminars to help spread the word—please contact him at jack@healthrealize.com.

THE TOUR

Fly from Boston February 28, Arrive Saturday, March 1, 8:30 AM

  1. Monday, March 3             Colchester, England
  2. Thursday, March 6           France
  3. Saturday, March 8            Belgium
  4. Monday, March 10            Netherlands
  5. Wednesday, March 12     Denmark
  6. Saturday, March 15          Sweden
  7. Saturday, March 22          Germany
  8. Saturday, March 29          Switzerland
  9. Saturday, April 1-3            Italy
  10. weekend, April 4-6            Sicily
  11. Thursday, April 8              Barcelona
  12. weekend April 11-13        Albir, Spain, Extended Professional Training
  13. by Tuesday, April 15         southern Spain
  14. Thursday, April 17            Portugal
  15. Wednesday, April 23 ?     Ireland
  16. Saturday, April 26 ?          Scotland?
  17. Tuesday, April 29 ?          Newcastle,England
  18. May 1?                             Brighton, England
  19.  May 3-4                           London

Fly out Monday May 5 15:30

- – -

On another note Jack will be running a 1-day Living In Well-Being Training in Waitsfield, Vermont on Saturday, November 23.

Please contact him for details.

The post Jack Pransky Three Principles European Tour appeared first on Center for Inside-Out Understanding.

Live in the Life Force rather than Life Circumstances – Lori Carpenos

Ever wake up thinking something like: “My life feels like a mess?” — or have a day where one too many things have gone wrong, or felt as though the last straw has finally broken your strong back? I think every one of us can say we’ve had those moments, or days, or even a bad month, perhaps year; I know I certainly have. Yet at some point we arrive back at our happier, more content selves. Have you ever wondered what causes that? Resiliency. All of humanity seems to be able to bounce back from whatever misfortune has befallen them, if not right away, then — eventually.

This is what allows us to be resilient:

There are scientific, universal laws that are known as principles, which explain resiliency and the human condition. Knowing about these principles (our operating system)  and understanding them at a deep enough level will allow you to, as the title states, make your life better instantly!  We know this is possible because we’ve experienced it ourselves and we’ve witnessed it in our clients and students.

You see, these principles, or facts of life, though invisible, are always present within every human being from birth to death, during every moment of life.

  • They explain the full range of human emotions.
  • They explain why people see things differently from one another.
  • They explain why it makes no sense to take things personally.
  • They explain why we can see something one way and then see it another way, at a  future moment in time; in essence…
  • They explain the human condition in it’s totality.

When people understand these principles they automatically stop taking their thinking so seriously because these principles explain that we are making it all up, as we go along, all the time. We are not living in a reality, we live in a personal reality, whether we realize it or not.

How can we take anything we make up as gospel truth when we realize we’ve created it. Remember the first time you saw a frightening movie like, “Jaws,” and realized the shark was a mechanical device made to look real? It then became impossible to feel scared by it. Or when you uncovered the workings of a magic trick — once you understood how it worked, you couldn’t get wowed by the trick any longer. However, the very fact that this is what occurs in the human psyche is in itself magical. Some have called it a mystical experience when they wake-up to their ability to create a reality with their own thinking.

In the moments we realize we are part of nature, part of the life force behind everything, we see our circumstances as neutral, and then they don’t have a bad affect on us.

The truth is, we don’t actually “make” our life better, because that implies doing something. It’s actually about NOT doing something that makes our life better….  when we decline to entertain negative thoughts that occur to us, pay them as little attention as possible, they will drift away; on their own. If you ever forgot to study for a test in school you would have experienced how easy it is for things to drift away when we don’t tend to them.  That is the true nature of thought for each of us.

Guess what occurs when you allow your negative thoughts to drift along in the natural flow of thinking? More positive thoughts will enter your mind – naturally, without “doing” anything! Please don’t take our word for it — see for yourself — simply notice what naturally occurs for you when you allow yourself to be in the flow of thoughts without taking any one of them seriously. Our minds calm down and our state of mind lifts and our life appears so much better — instantly. In the moment our mind clears our life looks so much better and the experience of life is so much better in those moments.

Underestimating yourself?

Picture
Do you underestimate yourself?  It's kinda sneaky how that happens.

We underestimate ourselves when we accept limitations and don't notice. Our assumptions go invisible on us. They stop looking like assumptions and simply look like the truth. We then act accordingly.

Personally I know that I have at times hugely underestimated myself. I only saw how invisible this was when kind friends pointed it out to me. But it's not easy to hear. Ever witnessed someone defending their limitations? Maybe you even tried to talk them out of it when they asserted they aren't "the kind of person who..." or "tried but can't..."  

I don't have any trouble calling to mind someone I know who can't quite see for themselves just how attractive, strong, capable, loving or giving they are.  

A quote attributed to Henry Ford is

Whether you think you can
or whether you think you can't
either way
you are right
A nice way of saying we LIVE what we think and we do not realize that we are the thinker. This is why we become blind to our constructs, assume whatever we think is true and why we hate being challenged about it.  

The whole package that makes up what I call "myself" is only a mystery to one person: Me. And it's amazing how wrong we can be about our own base assumptions of who we are. 

Underestimating yourself always arises from who you assume you are.

The question "who am I?" deserves more airplay than we give it. Not only are we not entertaining the question, we seem to be moving away from contemplative traditions in which these kinds of questions mattered. We no longer engage in pure inquiry. Are we so intolerant of mystery that we would rather be wrong than not know something.

The price we pay for this is to be overly-engaged in our assumptions. And from the assumption that there is something fundamentally limited about us arises the desire to improve who we are. 

Why improve who you think you are when you can simply look to see who you really are "before" the personality arrived that you call YOU. 

"Who am I" or better said, "What is I?"  are invitations to peek underneath the construct of ourselves, beyond the false self that we made up and just see. What came before the thoughts of "I."

I have come to appreciate these contemplations, and to enjoy following where they lead. 

Are you the limited person you think you are?  What if you are not?

This self I call me seems nothing more than a bouquet of thoughts, rather than facts. I call them me, but really they are air. They are concepts -- ideas that have nothing to do with who I am or what I am capable of  -- if I weren't so interested in what I think about myself.

Underestimating yourself?

Picture
Do you underestimate yourself?  It's kinda sneaky how that happens.

We underestimate ourselves when we accept limitations and don't notice. Our assumptions go invisible on us. They stop looking like assumptions and simply look like the truth. We then act accordingly.

Personally I know that I have at times hugely underestimated myself. I only saw how invisible this was when kind friends pointed it out to me. But it's not easy to hear. Ever witnessed someone defending their limitations? Maybe you even tried to talk them out of it when they asserted they aren't "the kind of person who..." or "tried but can't..."  

I don't have any trouble calling to mind someone I know who can't quite see for themselves just how attractive, strong, capable, loving or giving they are.  

A quote attributed to Henry Ford is

Whether you think you can
or whether you think you can't
either way
you are right
A nice way of saying we LIVE what we think and we do not realize that we are the thinker. This is why we become blind to our constructs, assume whatever we think is true and why we hate being challenged about it.  

The whole package that makes up what I call "myself" is only a mystery to one person: Me. And it's amazing how wrong we can be about our own base assumptions of who we are. 

Underestimating yourself always arises from who you assume you are.

The question "who am I?" deserves more airplay than we give it. Not only are we not entertaining the question, we seem to be moving away from contemplative traditions in which these kinds of questions mattered. We no longer engage in pure inquiry. Are we so intolerant of mystery that we would rather be wrong than not know something.

The price we pay for this is to be overly-engaged in our assumptions. And from the assumption that there is something fundamentally limited about us arises the desire to improve who we are. 

Why improve who you think you are when you can simply look to see who you really are "before" the personality arrived that you call YOU. 

"Who am I" or better said, "What is I?"  are invitations to peek underneath the construct of ourselves, beyond the false self that we made up and just see. What came before the thoughts of "I."

I have come to appreciate these contemplations, and to enjoy following where they lead. 

Are you the limited person you think you are?  What if you are not?

This self I call me seems nothing more than a bouquet of thoughts, rather than facts. I call them me, but really they are air. They are concepts -- ideas that have nothing to do with who I am or what I am capable of  -- if I weren't so interested in what I think about myself.

Bullying in the NFL and Beyond

By now, most of you in the U.S. who follow sports have heard about the possible incidents of bullying on the Miami Dolphins football team. As in all bullying cases, many causes (the past and personalities of the individuals, the locker-room culture) and cures (stricter guidelines and sanctions) are being suggested.

If you look closely, however, you’ll see that bullying or a lack thereof doesn’t follow a specific pattern in locker rooms, schools, or even in online communities. Parents who instruct their children to respect others, for example, are just as likely to have a child who bullies than parents who are lenient. What’s even more interesting is that in practically every high school in the country there’s now a bullying specialist on staff, and bullying in the workplace has become frowned upon. Yet, bullying in both environments is getting worse and worse.

The question is why, and what can we do about it?

To me, what we can do is stop applying the same ineffective external strategies; stop throwing more reasoning, rules, regulations, and discipline at the problem. Those who bully are at such a low level of consciousness that they’re incapable of finding value in prescribed codes of conduct.

That leaves us with one overlooked option: point people inward—to what really causes errant behavior in the first place. Here’s what bullies (and we all do it to varying degrees) don’t understand: When a person’s head is cluttered or jammed with thought, he or she will feel insecure and, thus, be prone to dysfunctional actions. When the same person’s head is clear, he or she will feel good and be prone to acts of compassion and love. That is:

  • Any person + a bound-up state of mind = a person prone to bad feelings, judgment, and bullying
  • The same person + a clear state of mind = a person prone to good feelings, consideration, and kindness

And this formula holds true regardless of one’s life experience or personality. In fact, what I’ve found in my work on this subject is that as people start to appreciate that it’s impossible for one’s insecure feelings to come from (and be held in place by) someone else, they stop lashing out because it no longer makes sense for them to blame another person for their own feelings. Actually, an opposite phenomenon usually occurs: They realize that even when they’re thinking judgmentally about another, the possibility of seeing that person in a different light is right around the corner.

The bottom line is that it’s time we stop giving people more things to do, watch out for, analyze, or think about, in an attempt to cure a problem that is only the result of too much noise (thinking) in a person’s head. I know it sounds simple, but the solution to bullying is found in this fundamental tenet: Human beings can only feel their thinking. Our circumstances, including the actions of other people, are powerless.