Who Has the Time?

Here’s something that might surprise you, and I find it to be true across the board: People who are both successful at what they do for a living and contribute positively to the lives of others have plenty of time on their hands. They’re approachable and often available. People who don’t consistently do unto others seem frequently occupied and difficult to approach.

What’s interesting about this trend, however, is that most of us believe it works the opposite way. It’s as if we’ve become conditioned to think that it’s good to be hectic, and distant, too.

First, let’s talk about why thriving people are often accessible. In a word: clarity. These type of people walk around with little noise in their heads. So they’re adept at recognizing opportunities when they arise—whether in a work setting or a personal one. Those who don’t have the time, or room in their lives, for new ventures or people have way too much activity going on upstairs.

On which side of this spectrum do you fall?

To me, the first step in moving toward the open and opportunistic side is to understand the following principle:

  • Your feelings come from your thinking; your feelings do not come from other people or situations.

In fact, understanding this principle is what allows normal and temporary logjams of thought (and bad feelings) to wither away on their own. Not understanding it leads to confusion and then aloofness as a person looks for something on the outside to justify what he or she feels on the inside; demanding an excess of thought and effort. Individuals who seem detached aren’t less caring or capable than the next guy, they’ve just jammed their mind’s predisposition to clear, so there’s no space left for anything.

The message here is that true success isn’t about building walls and blocking yourself off from other people or activities that don’t appear to be up your alley. While it’s not necessarily wrong to feel closed off, when you do, know that you’re the one who’s overanalyzing, bound up, and not seeing straight. In other words, don’t believe what you think when you feel this way—simply carry on, open up, and make time instead.

Squandering Our Power

Across the developed world, environmentalists have gotten our attention about power. We use energy efficient light bulbs, appliances and devices. We turn things off. We adjust our home thermometers not to waste power when and where no one needs to be warm or cool. We care about gas mileage. We recycle. We are increasingly committed to conserve  and use the power we have wisely in every aspect of our lives…

Except the most important.Brain power

I repeat. Except the most important. Across the world, we are squandering the absolutely most important, greatest infinitely and universally available power of all of humanity: Our power to think and create. To use our minds to know the difference between wisdom and insanity. To use our freedom to follow the thinking that inspires, uplifts, creates, harmonizes, resolves, and leads us to transcend all limitations at any moment.

At some point in time, it will be known that the greatest tragedy of the current era was that humanity squandered the most valuable resource we had and almost destroyed itself and the planet. It will be recognized that we squandered our personal power because humanity was almost entirely oblivious to the fact that the only — I repeat, the only — cause of hatred, of murder, of warfare, of anger, of frustration, of mistrust, of every horrible thing of which humanity is capable is unrecognized negative, insecure thinking taken seriously over time.  The tortured thinking that each person living in anguish is making up from the inherent power of all human beings to think for themselves and see what they think as their personal reality is the source of all of humanity’s pain. As soon as people see that, see for themselves that thinking is something we are doing and that our thinking is entirely within our control, and thus our personal realities are entirely within our control, they change. They just do. They change because people are intrinsically drawn towards peace and happiness. When people see that it is within their own power to find peace and happiness, they use that power constructively. They use it easily because it is right there; it is innate; it is our birthright as human beings to use the power we have to think to create our personal experience of reality. It is the only way we see life.

The truth is all around us. When we see people operating from wisdom, common sense, love, compassion, ease, grace, we are deeply touched. We admire them as though they were special. We fail to realize  that there is no difference between them and anyone else except that they are using their power to think more wisely, and following positive feelings to higher levels of thinking. No one is special. Some people are just more deeply in touch with their own psycho-bio-spiritual health and wisdom. Some people cherish peace of mind over upset, and know it’s within them to find it.

When I look at the huge unsolved problems humanity faces, locally, regionally, nationally, globally — everywhere — it hurts my heart to know that the answers are simple and available. But we can’t find them when our minds are agitated and tormented with fear and negativity.

If, suddenly, across the world, people woke up to the fact that we are all living in a thought-created reality that could change in a moment, it would change in a moment. We don’t like what we have created. We don’t like poverty. We don’t like to see people demonizing others and committing unspeakable atrocities. We don’t like war. We don’t like starving children, displaced families, resources blown to smithereens by senseless terror, murdered innocents, hateful discourse, brutality… No one would choose any of the awful things we face today — if they knew there was a choice.

There is a choice. It is one thought away.

As soon as the world realizes that we are creating all of humanity’s experiences from the inside-out, that our experiences are not the product of our circumstances, but our circumstances are the product of our own thinking, everything will change. Quickly.

There is a whole movement sweeping across the globe doing everything in our power to elicit that change, to awaken others to the extraordinary gifts we have as human beings, the infinite, universal power to use our minds to think and create the life we want.

For those who have seen it, ordinary life changes that appear to be miracles occur all around us, all the time.

Look into it; follow the resources below. Please. Let’s join together to stop squandering the only real power we have that can change everything.

Cut off from innate wisdom, a lost thinker experiences isolation, fear and confusion. This is why there are so many horrible atrocities throughout the world. Newspapers are full of wars, killings, children starving.  Ignorance of our own inner wisdom is the cause of sin. There would be no sin without such ignorance. The malfunction of our own personal thought system instigates the breakdown of personal relationships and leads to the crumbling of societies, causing unnecessary suffering and sadness. The misled thoughts of humanity, alienated from their inner wisdom, cause all violence, cruelty and savagery in this world. Since the beginning, the state of any society is a direct result of its conditioned way of thinking. As you think, so you shall hear. The sage hears fools and wise alike. The fool hears only fools.”

                                                                             Sydney Banks, The Missing Link

http://www.3pgc.org

http://www.threeprinciplesmovies.com

http://www.three-principles.com


Do You Use Mental Techniques? Here’s Why They’re Not Working

If you’ve read this blog for more than a few months, you’re aware that I firmly believe that deliberate mental techniques or strategies used to improve performance (and find happiness) are, in principle, ineffective. For purpose of review, here are my four reasons why:

 

1.  There’s a misalignment between the experience of performers at the top of their games and the strategies of the psychologists and mental coaches who are trying to help them.

Virtually all of us would say that our best performances—whether in sports, work, or even relationships—came easily. We often hear phrases like: “clear head,”  “not thinking,” “no expectations,” or “not sure how it happened” to explain a person’s feeling state when at his or her best. Why, then, when you don’t have a clear head and are not at your best would you employ a mental strategy which requires you to think?

 

2.  Deliberate strategies are not the same as instinctive ones.

Mental strategies are not necessarily right or wrong. Many great performers visualize success, take deep breaths, find positive feelings, and relax. It’s when you turn these actions into a rote or forced practice (which requires thought and effort) that you’ll clog your own head—leaving little room for instincts to flourish. Remember: From a high level of consciousness (awareness), a person automatically visualizes the future, breaths efficiently, feels positive, and relaxes. Calculated visualization, breathing, positive thinking, and relaxation methods cannot help a person find a high level of consciousness.

 

3.  Human beings experience life from in to out, not out to in.

In spite of what most people have been led to believe, nothing on the outside is responsible for how you feel on the inside. Therefore, wrongly believing that your feelings are caused by your circumstances or environment, and applying a strategy to overcome these feelings, is a waste of energy. It’s like building a trap for a monster and putting it under your child’s bed. Since monsters are not the natural byproduct of a child sleeping alone in his or her bedroom—they come from the child’s thinking—using a technique to avoid monsters only legitimizes and bolsters the child’s fearful thoughts.

 

4.  Deliberate mental strategies obstruct a person’s innate ability to ascend to clarity of mind.

An often-overlooked principle is that when we overthink and, thus, feel afraid, insecure, or blue, we’re innately wired to self-correct. While it may look like using a deliberate mental strategy has helped you find clarity in the past, if you’re honest about it, you’ll admit the results were always short-lived at best. This is because a high state of mind has nothing to do with mental strategies and all to do with your head’s natural propensity to clear. In fact, if you keep using strategies, you’ll obstruct this self-correcting system to the point where it might not function.

Here’s an analogy to illustrate this principle: When a rollercoaster hits its low point, the only way to prevent it from rising back up on its own is to panic, pull the emergency brake, and try to fix something that may feel broken—but isn’t.

The bottom line is that no matter where you are or what you’re doing, your struggles are merely a reflection of the degree that your head is filled with thought at that particular moment. Anytime you add more thinking—and, again, all deliberate mental techniques require thinking—you’re likely to struggle even more. If you forego the mental strategy (and avoid adding more thought), your head will empty, insights arise, and you will feel better. After all, you, like all human beings, are designed to regulate to clarity without effort.

I hope you found this review helpful. If not, let the roller coaster go back up on its own, then send me a note.

Garret

Are You Preparing to Fail?

Early last week, I emailed an associate with a simple request and suggested that we speak about it as soon as possible. The associate replied that she was swamped and asked if we could talk at the end of the week—which we did. Unfortunately, our conversation didn’t go well. She mistook what I was saying and responded in a confused and frenetic manner. Her reaction caught me off guard, so much so that I hung up the phone and wondered, “What the heck just happened?”

Have you ever experienced a conversation like this—where circumstances don’t work out as planned? Well, one often-overlooked reason why interactions go awry is that one or both parties has overprepared. And this tendency isn’t just relegated to business interactions. It occurs while getting ready for performances, athletic competitions, exams, interviews, and even first dates. So, let’s take a closer look at this common misunderstanding.

You know the phrase, “Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.” To me, it’s misleading. In the example above, my associate took several days to get her “ducks in a row,” or get all the details necessary for our call (prepare). She filled her head with so much information that she contaminated her own instincts and natural ability to think fluently on the fly.

Similarly, when I was on a radio tour promoting my first book, Stillpower, I was surprised to find that before most interviews the radio host provided the questions he or she was going to ask. Why? Because the hosts believed that thinking about the questions, and formulating answers ahead of time, would lead to a better dialogue. My standard response: “No thanks, I’d rather not look at the questions. I want to be fresh and spontaneous—be myself—when we speak on the air.” In other words, adding thought (going over and over what you’re going to say) never leads to a better anything.

The message here is that productive preparation is always the byproduct of a clear head. And, in case you’re wondering, this even pertains to prep work that involves memorization. Efficient, long-term memorization—or better yet, absorption—comes from imagination, passion, and creative practice; not from grinding over a playbook. That’s why I can still recite every player’s number from my favorite hockey team of all time, the 1972 New York Rangers, and why people can easily repeat lines from beloved movies or songs. It’s also why most of us can’t recall one word of the foreign language we learned by rote in high school.

Remember this the next time you plan to prepare: Jamming your head with information about an upcoming event or contest is never in your best interest. The human mind always works better when it’s running on empty.

Does Practice Really Make Perfect? — Insight Into the Nature of the Principle of Mind

 

Why would practice make perfect? 
Wouldn’t practice be just as likely to reinforce bad habits as it is to improve what you’re practicing? 
I suggest to you that practice does not improve people unless it is accompanied by insights. Practice focuses on a specific endeavor and therefore directs Universal Intelligence towards that endeavor. When a physicist gets an insight during a walk in the park, it is going to be relevant to physics and not to some innovative football formation. Universal Intelligence is informed by the needs of each person in each moment.
It seems to me that the level of awakened presence that I have while I’m practicing something determines the likelihood of insight. When I used to practice tennis regularly, I would find myself bored and distracted. Not only did I not enjoy my tennis practice regimen, but the practice seldom bore the fruits of insight. Conversely, when I got my head into the practicing, I noticed a lot of things about the nature of the game and how I was approaching it. Those insights were invaluable to me and took my game to higher levels on a forward-going basis.
My conclusion: enjoyment and passion is a barometer of one's relationship to the moment. When you are enjoying practicing anything, I would say you are at the 'bus stop' for insights that will lead to improvement. If you don’t feel that passion and enjoyment I suggest you give it up temporarily or change your mind.

 

Does Practice Really Make Perfect? — Insight Into the Nature of the Principle of Mind

 

Why would practice make perfect? 
Wouldn’t practice be just as likely to reinforce bad habits as it is to improve what you’re practicing? 
I suggest to you that practice does not improve people unless it is accompanied by insights. Practice focuses on a specific endeavor and therefore directs Universal Intelligence towards that endeavor. When a physicist gets an insight during a walk in the park, it is going to be relevant to physics and not to some innovative football formation. Universal Intelligence is informed by the needs of each person in each moment.
It seems to me that the level of awakened presence that I have while I’m practicing something determines the likelihood of insight. When I used to practice tennis regularly, I would find myself bored and distracted. Not only did I not enjoy my tennis practice regimen, but the practice seldom bore the fruits of insight. Conversely, when I got my head into the practicing, I noticed a lot of things about the nature of the game and how I was approaching it. Those insights were invaluable to me and took my game to higher levels on a forward-going basis.
My conclusion: enjoyment and passion is a barometer of one's relationship to the moment. When you are enjoying practicing anything, I would say you are at the 'bus stop' for insights that will lead to improvement. If you don’t feel that passion and enjoyment I suggest you give it up temporarily or change your mind.

 

Thought Attack!

Have you ever had a thought attack? You know, a wayward thought pops into your head, you feel kind of uneasy in your gut, then you have another thought, feel even worse, and then the process repeats itself again and again.

I know it used to happen to me—a lot. But thankfully, these days it rarely happens if ever. We’ll get back to why that is in a minute.

First, let’s talk about why thought attacks occur. They occur because a person makes the mistake of attributing an uneasy gut feeling to a circumstance in his or her life. Thought attacks become extreme because uneasy gut feelings don’t come from a circumstance in one’s life. And the more a person looks outside to explain or remedy their feelings on the inside, the more they have to think, so the worse they’ll feel.

To illustrate, I once blamed my sometime anxious moods on particular events from my childhood (I’ll intentionally spare you, and myself, the details). Yet, what’s interesting is that when I did this, other parts of my life became problematic too. In other words, I’d feel bad and try to fix my feelings by coping with my childhood. And when that didn’t work, I’d look to my present circumstances and delve into all that was wrong there. And when that didn’t work, I’d look to my future circumstances and frustratingly do the same.

Talk about barking up the wrong tree. Looking for excuses for one’s bad feelings might be what psychotherapy is all about, but I can assure you that doing this is what causes thought attacks. Just give it a try and see how many situations you find that aren’t quite right in your life at this very moment. What you might overlook, however, is that when you feel good those same situations still exist. Like my childhood; when my mood is high, my childhood is a-okay. When it’s low, my childhood is a problem. Either way, it’s the same childhood.

Here’s the bottom line on thought attacks: At the root of every jammed-up head is a person who incorrectly attached his or her feelings to something or someone else. The reason I don’t have many thought attacks these days is because it no longer makes sense for me to do this.

It works the same for you. The next time you find yourself in a low state of mind, my hope is you won’t analyze your life and try to find or fix the reason. Doing so is a never-ending struggle that thwarts your instinctive ability to find clarity. Yes, thought attacks are preventable, but first you must understand the principle behind why they occur: The natural ebb and flow of your thinking creates your feelings. Your circumstances are powerless.

What is Innate Well-being?

PictureRelationships are easy when people understand the Principles and innate health


The following is an excerpt taken from an interview with Dr. Dicken and Coizie Bettinger for a book on relationships and the 3 Principles that I’m writing with Chris Heath.




Dicken was a practicing psychologist in Vermont when he learned of the Principles.  He and his family moved to LaConner, WA to work with a group of therapists whose mission was to share the Principles with others.

Coizie:

At the time we started learning the Principles, we began to understand that our thinking creates our moods. This was immediately helpful in our family because the kids were around ten and fourteen when we became aware of this. It was something they could relate to and understand. We came up with this sort of rule for the family that we wouldn’t talk about problems or issues or hard things when any of us was in a low mood. Our children loved to catch us in low moods and then not want to talk about whatever it was, which was very effective because our parenting improved as a result. We didn’t deal with problems in low moods. We would just wait it out until we felt better and that was good for Dicken and me.

We just flat out refused to talk about things while in low moods. It was a big discovery that it’s normal for the quality of our thinking to go up and down (which is what moods are) instead of believing that what we think when we are in a low mood means something significant or it means something that has to be talked about in the relationship. And so when we began to see low mood thinking as normal and that you didn’t really have to pay attention to that thinking and it would pass pretty quickly, boy did that make things easier in all of our relationships. We didn’t feel compelled to have to talk about things when we were upset. And we didn’t think it was necessary to do that in order to have a better relationship. We didn’t take each other’s low moods so personally so it became more and more just a natural fit and a normal cycle and nothing to really be concerned about. Feelings no longer were  statements about the relationship. They just became indicators of the quality of thought that was coming through. That was huge. It made a big difference. It seemed to take the pressure off. I think before that we took each other’s low mood thinking personally and thought we had to figure it out. If Dicken got into a low mood and he seemed pretty serious, I would sometimes think that meant something about me; that he was mad at me or unhappy with me. So I thought that we needed to discuss it. And unfortunately we would. (Laughter)

To this day it is just such a relief not to feel like there are issues and problems and things that we need to talk about. We just know that in a better mood, when better thinking starts coming through it either won’t be a problem or it will look different or there will be a solution that comes to mind. It is just so easy. We definitely started to have much more trust in our own wisdom and in leaving things alone until our heads cleared. Then we were in a space that was very easy to see our way through any difficulties or problems or challenges. It relieved the pressure of having to work so hard to figure out what didn’t seem right. We both gained much deeper trust in our own capacity for common sense and wise thinking and that we could trust our thinking when we were in good feelings but not at all when we were in bad feelings.  This was so helpful.  It paid off to just wait until the wise thinking showed up rather than work so hard when it wasn’t available.

There was one really good example of that which I will never forget. It was when we were making the decision to leave Vermont to move out here to La Conner, WA. When we first started thinking about moving our son had two more years of high school, so we thought he could come out here to finish high school.  But we weren’t ready to move until he had only one more year left and of course he was adamant that he wasn’t going to go. So we started to have conversations about it and immediately one or two or all three of us would just start having upset thinking, and we would get scared, or I would cry. It seemed like we didn’t know what to do or what could possibly be the solution. So when we started trying to figure out how we were going to work this out we all agreed that we would only talk about it when we were all in pretty good states of mind. And if any of us got upset while we were talking, we would stop. And we knew that at some point we would come to agreement. We trusted that would happen. But it wouldn’t happen if we were upset and having a hard time talking about it, so we started and stopped the conversation several different times over the next weeks.  And then one time, one of us got a different idea. A totally new thought that none of us had even considered, a whole new option for what we could do.  This new thought was so different, which was for Dicken to go out to Wasington by himself and I would stay back with Ben until he finished his last year of high school. It made so much sense to all of us immediately.  It was a big relief and it felt so right that we just trusted it. Immediately we began to put our energy into thinking about what we could do to make it the absolute best year that our family ever had.  We all began to become creative and to brainstorm and come up with new ideas for how to do that and it ended up creating a remarkable growth-filled year for all of us. I don’t think we would have gotten there if we had used our old way of thinking that would have forced a decision that would have been really difficult for somebody. Most likely we would have forced our son to come out here.   

I don’t know what it would have been, we had different options but that is just one example of how, by learning the Principles we began to trust in our own wisdom.  We learned that the answers would be there when we were in a good state of thinking as opposed to when we were anxiety-ridden. Our understanding of the Principles allowed us to trust our wisdom.

Dicken:

After my very first training in the Principles, I made this remarkable discovery that at any moment when I just stopped working on getting somewhere in order to develop or to achieve my well-being, the most incredible experience happened. I naturally began to feel and think better which is what I was looking for in the first place, and I didn’t have to work at it. I already had it, just naturally built in. This notion that I already had perfect well-being inside and I didn’t have to develop it, was a huge change for me. So as I worked less on myself and had less thinking on my mind I began to become more lighthearted and more present and more available and my kids noticed it and it sure made things so much easier for Coizie and me. We got closer and closer without even trying. So I learned that intimacy was not a function of working. You can’t work your way to intimacy. It was a given that when my personal thinking would quiet down I would feel warmth and a connection and closeness to whoever was around me.  I couldn’t believe it was that easy. I couldn’t believe that if I got out of my own way I would feel close and connected to people around me.
Coizie and I started having so much fun.  We would allow our thinking to quiet down and then we would feel warm and connected and so close.  We would just enjoy sharing quiet time together.  We started seeing how easy it was to connect on a much deeper level.  We couldn’t believe that we discovered something so simple that could immediately help us be warmer and more loving as parents, as well as warm, loving and intimate in our marriage. What a beautiful thing to discover and then be able to share with clients and see them have the same results very quickly. To see this happen over and over again was just unbelievable to me. It was like a dream come true.

I changed from being preoccupied and resorting to my old pattern of withdrawing.  I would withdraw into myself and I would turn to my books and techniques to escape inner tension.  I still experience inner tension sometimes, but it doesn’t mean anything anymore and it wakes me up to the fact of thought and I fall out of that thinking easily and quickly. I now realize that pure consciousness is an underlying space inside that is always there.  I experience this space as welcoming and warm and loving and wise.  It is my home base.  For me to know that this home base is always right there inside, not just in me, but in everybody; in my family, my friends, my clients and even in strangers, has been powerful. For me to see and know with certainly that beauty is in everybody, allows me to know that even when my kids or wife are having a difficult time and struggling, inside they are already perfectly ok.  This is so helpful.

To be really patient with the fact that we all get caught up at times in our own thinking is good to realize. The thoughts seem real to us and we get stuck. Realizing that allows us to look past it.  This really helped us when our kids were teenagers and now with grandchildren, it does as well. We’re sharing with them about thinking and feeling; where our feelings really come from.

Coizie:

It just takes one person to begin to live it in a family, a relationship, or even an organization. Dicken was the first to learn about the Principles, but it was contagious in our family. You could see it spreading from one person to another to another and then we would each reinforce the other, just by the way we were living from this understanding. You know, right now our son’s girlfriend is learning this from Dicken and that is just so neat to think that she is deepening her love for our son.  And to see her becoming more satisfied and at ease with herself is just so great! 

Please have a look at Dicken’s website for more information:

​ http://www.3principlesmentoring.com/

Extended Professional Training in Spain with Dr, Jack Pransky

Extended Professional Training with Dr. Jack Pransky on the sunny Mediterranean coast of Spain (Albir, near Alicante) for those who want to be able to share The Three Principles in a comfortable, graceful, impactful way. October 19-20, 2013 and April 12-13, with monthly contact in between

Participants will experience: 1) Deepened personal grounding in the Three Principles; 2) The ability to apply the Three Principles in one’s work to achieve greater effectiveness with “clients” and others; 3)  A greater ability to share and teach the Three Principles to achieve greater impact.

Programme of events: In between the two face to face trainings will be 2 private mentoring calls, 2 co-mentoring calls, and practical assignments with feedback. Group limited to 16 participants to ensure maximum individual support.

“Dr. Jack Pransky is a very experienced coach and trainer of the Three Principles. He has been facilitating this understanding and how to teach it for over 20 years and shares his vast experience with great dedication and passion. Jack has the fantastic ability to describe the Three Principles right to the point emphasizing the simplicity and the depth of their nature. Also in his books he describes this understanding and the way it plays out in life in a clear and practical way for everybody to grasp.” –Sheela Masand

Sample from last year’s training participants: This is probably the best course I have been on. There has been something about it … nothing short of magical quite honestly. There is a subtle brilliance to the way that Jack works that you don’t really know what is happening until it has happened, so that by the end of the first weekend I really felt that I could share this with people and that I could do a presentation, I felt excited. … But to be able to get up and do a presentation, I mean how did that happen? I just don’t do things like that, and yet, now I can. I just can’t recommend it highly enough. I feel so grateful to have been on it, it is just brilliant.“                  - Jane Ellis, UK, www.aninfinitepossibility.com

For more detail see http://extendedproftraining.eventbrite.com/ or contact Sheela at sheela@sheelamasand.com

The post Extended Professional Training in Spain with Dr, Jack Pransky appeared first on Center for Inside-Out Understanding.

What is Innate Well-being?

Couple Enjoying Time Together

Relationships are easy when people understand the Principles and innate health

 

The following is an excerpt taken from an interview with Dr. Dicken and Coizie Bettinger for a book on relationships and the 3 Principles that I’m writing with Chris Heath.

Dicken was a practicing psychologist in Vermont when he learned of the Principles.  He and his family moved to LaConner, WA to work with a group of therapists whose mission was to share the Principles with others.

Coizie:

At the time we started learning the Principles, we began to understand that our thinking creates our moods. This was immediately helpful in our family because the kids were around ten and fourteen when we became aware of this. It was something they could relate to and understand. We came up with this sort of rule for the family that we wouldn’t talk about problems or issues or hard things when any of us was in a low mood. Our children loved to catch us in low moods and then not want to talk about whatever it was, which was very effective because our parenting improved as a result. We didn’t deal with problems in low moods. We would just wait it out until we felt better and that was good for Dicken and me.

We just flat out refused to talk about things while in low moods. It was a big discovery that it’s normal for the quality of our thinking to go up and down (which is what moods are) instead of believing that what we think when we are in a low mood means something significant or it means something that has to be talked about in the relationship. And so when we began to see low mood thinking as normal and that you didn’t really have to pay attention to that thinking and it would pass pretty quickly, boy did that make things easier in all of our relationships. We didn’t feel compelled to have to talk about things when we were upset. And we didn’t think it was necessary to do that in order to have a better relationship. We didn’t take each other’s low moods so personally so it became more and more just a natural fit and a normal cycle and nothing to really be concerned about. Feelings no longer were  statements about the relationship. They just became indicators of the quality of thought that was coming through. That was huge. It made a big difference. It seemed to take the pressure off. I think before that we took each other’s low mood thinking personally and thought we had to figure it out. If Dicken got into a low mood and he seemed pretty serious, I would sometimes think that meant something about me; that he was mad at me or unhappy with me. So I thought that we needed to discuss it. And unfortunately we would. (Laughter)

To this day it is just such a relief not to feel like there are issues and problems and things that we need to talk about. We just know that in a better mood, when better thinking starts coming through it either won’t be a problem or it will look different or there will be a solution that comes to mind. It is just so easy. We definitely started to have much more trust in our own wisdom and in leaving things alone until our heads cleared. Then we were in a space that was very easy to see our way through any difficulties or problems or challenges. It relieved the pressure of having to work so hard to figure out what didn’t seem right. We both gained much deeper trust in our own capacity for common sense and wise thinking and that we could trust our thinking when we were in good feelings but not at all when we were in bad feelings.  This was so helpful.  It paid off to just wait until the wise thinking showed up rather than work so hard when it wasn’t available.

There was one really good example of that which I will never forget. It was when we were making the decision to leave Vermont to move out here to La Conner, WA. When we first started thinking about moving our son had two more years of high school, so we thought he could come out here to finish high school.  But we weren’t ready to move until he had only one more year left and of course he was adamant that he wasn’t going to go. So we started to have conversations about it and immediately one or two or all three of us would just start having upset thinking, and we would get scared, or I would cry. It seemed like we didn’t know what to do or what could possibly be the solution. So when we started trying to figure out how we were going to work this out we all agreed that we would only talk about it when we were all in pretty good states of mind. And if any of us got upset while we were talking, we would stop. And we knew that at some point we would come to agreement. We trusted that would happen. But it wouldn’t happen if we were upset and having a hard time talking about it, so we started and stopped the conversation several different times over the next weeks.  And then one time, one of us got a different idea. A totally new thought that none of us had even considered, a whole new option for what we could do.  This new thought was so different, which was for Dicken to go out to Wasington by himself and I would stay back with Ben until he finished his last year of high school. It made so much sense to all of us immediately.  It was a big relief and it felt so right that we just trusted it. Immediately we began to put our energy into thinking about what we could do to make it the absolute best year that our family ever had.  We all began to become creative and to brainstorm and come up with new ideas for how to do that and it ended up creating a remarkable growth-filled year for all of us. I don’t think we would have gotten there if we had used our old way of thinking that would have forced a decision that would have been really difficult for somebody. Most likely we would have forced our son to come out here.   

I don’t know what it would have been, we had different options but that is just one example of how, by learning the Principles we began to trust in our own wisdom.  We learned that the answers would be there when we were in a good state of thinking as opposed to when we were anxiety-ridden. Our understanding of the Principles allowed us to trust our wisdom.

Dicken:

After my very first training in the Principles, I made this remarkable discovery that at any moment when I just stopped working on getting somewhere in order to develop or to achieve my well-being, the most incredible experience happened. I naturally began to feel and think better which is what I was looking for in the first place, and I didn’t have to work at it. I already had it, just naturally built in. This notion that I already had perfect well-being inside and I didn’t have to develop it, was a huge change for me. So as I worked less on myself and had less thinking on my mind I began to become more lighthearted and more present and more available and my kids noticed it and it sure made things so much easier for Coizie and me. We got closer and closer without even trying. So I learned that intimacy was not a function of working. You can’t work your way to intimacy. It was a given that when my personal thinking would quiet down I would feel warmth and a connection and closeness to whoever was around me.  I couldn’t believe it was that easy. I couldn’t believe that if I got out of my own way I would feel close and connected to people around me.

Coizie and I started having so much fun.  We would allow our thinking to quiet down and then we would feel warm and connected and so close.  We would just enjoy sharing quiet time together.  We started seeing how easy it was to connect on a much deeper level.  We couldn’t believe that we discovered something so simple that could immediately help us be warmer and more loving as parents, as well as warm, loving and intimate in our marriage. What a beautiful thing to discover and then be able to share with clients and see them have the same results very quickly. To see this happen over and over again was just unbelievable to me. It was like a dream come true.

I changed from being preoccupied and resorting to my old pattern of withdrawing.  I would withdraw into myself and I would turn to my books and techniques to escape inner tension.  I still experience inner tension sometimes, but it doesn’t mean anything anymore and it wakes me up to the fact of thought and I fall out of that thinking easily and quickly. I now realize that pure consciousness is an underlying space inside that is always there.  I experience this space as welcoming and warm and loving and wise.  It is my home base.  For me to know that this home base is always right there inside, not just in me, but in everybody; in my family, my friends, my clients and even in strangers, has been powerful. For me to see and know with certainly that beauty is in everybody, allows me to know that even when my kids or wife are having a difficult time and struggling, inside they are already perfectly ok.  This is so helpful.

To be really patient with the fact that we all get caught up at times in our own thinking is good to realize. The thoughts seem real to us and we get stuck. Realizing that allows us to look past it.  This really helped us when our kids were teenagers and now with grandchildren, it does as well. We’re sharing with them about thinking and feeling; where our feelings really come from.

Coizie:

It just takes one person to begin to live it in a family, a relationship, or even an organization. Dicken was the first to learn about the Principles, but it was contagious in our family. You could see it spreading from one person to another to another and then we would each reinforce the other, just by the way we were living from this understanding. You know, right now our son’s girlfriend is learning this from Dicken and that is just so neat to think that she is deepening her love for our son.  And to see her becoming more satisfied and at ease with herself is just so great! 

Please have a look at Dicken’s website for more information:  http://www.3principlesmentoring.com/

Share/Bookmark

The post What is Innate Well-being? appeared first on Lori Carpenos & Associates.