Announcing the second Extended Professional Training in Spain.

Do you want to be able to share the Three Principles in a comfortable, graceful, impactful way?

Participants on the course

Participants on the last course in Spain

If you are anything like most people who have an understanding of the Three Principles, you are probably chomping at the bit for your clients, family, friends, colleagues, even strangers on the street to understand them too! You might have tried sharing them already, but you have experienced some of the following:

  • You “know” it and yet you can’t seem to put it into the right words
  • You are saying it out loud and the other person is just not getting it
  • You explain the Principles and they don’t seem to understand what all the fuss is about
  • You explain the Principles and they think it is the same as something else they have already heard about or know
  • Even the people closest to you don’t get it and might not want to hear any more about it

This is so common! It happens to just about everyone who has an understanding of the Principles – they struggle sharing it with others.

That’s why this extended training has been put together, and is such a wonderful opportunity for you to gain the skills and understanding necessary to convey the Principles in a way that has the most impact.

Here is what you get:

  • 19th and 20th October 2013 – 2 Full day trainings with Jack
  • Two private mentoring calls with Jack
  • Two semi private (2 participants and Jack) mentoring calls
  • Assignments set and assessed by Jack
  • 12th and 13th April 2014 – 2 Full day trainings with Jack

For more details, testimonials and booking information go to the event details page.

The post Announcing the second Extended Professional Training in Spain. appeared first on Center for Inside-Out Understanding.

Welcome to our group

Frank GerrytsThis site is dedicated to sharing the inside-out understanding of the Three Principles, as originally uncovered by Sydney Banks.

We have gathered together posts from other Three Principles blogs as well as our own ones. As time goes on we will be offering more services based on the Canadian West Coast and nearby islands. Look out for events and feel free to contact me to let me know about any events you think will be of interest to others in this area.

The Art of Reconsidering

Here’s something you may want to consider: People who know that their thinking creates their feelings are prone to reconsider their viewpoints or opinions about things. People who believe that their circumstances create their feelings tend to be narrow-minded and set in their ways.

Where in the spectrum do you fall?

In my experience, all of us would be better off, achieve more, and the world would be a better place, if we lived closer to the open-minded side. To do so, however, we must understand the illogic in looking to outside circumstances in order to explain, excuse, or justify how we feel or act.

Here’s a personal example: While online the other night, I wandered onto one of my sixteen-year-old daughter’s social media accounts—and I did not like what I saw. I became angry, I mean, really angry. I yelled upstairs to my daughter, “Come down here immediately!” My intention, at first, was to give her a piece of my mind and demand that she remove some of her posts. Yet, somewhere between my outburst and her arrival at my study’s door, it occurred to me: “Now hold on, knucklehead—you see the posts as wrong, but this is clearly not how your daughter sees them.”

In other words, I reconsidered my point of view. I took a second look at my own perceptions. Why? Because I have a fairly good idea that my thinking forms the basis for my feelings—not my daughter’s social media posts. I also know that my volatile feelings were a vivid reminder that my thinking in the moment was not to be trusted and holding my daughter responsible for my own anger was clearly a step in the wrong direction.

So what happened when my daughter arrived downstairs? First, I apologized for screaming, and then we had an enjoyable conversation about our different perspectives regarding social media. We both learned something from the experience. And while I still don’t agree with her completely, and vice versa for sure, I do know that my daughter was buoyed by my respect and trust in her. In fact, the next morning I noticed she had made some adjustments to her accounts, including this tweet on Father’s Day:

Happy Father’s Day to my main man @GarretKramer I love you, Daddy!

What more can I say?

The next time you feel angry, uptight, or anxious—please, don’t blame it on your circumstances. Your feelings come from the inside (from your thinking) only. Simply grab hold of this principle and see how easy it becomes to override your judgmental dispositions, find loving and inspiring feelings, and uncover a fresh outlook about anything.

Now that’s something for all of us to consider.

Feeling Guilty

My good friend, Charlie, lost his stepson last month. His stepson was nine and suffered from cerebral palsy and other severe physical ailments. His body simply gave out. Very sad.

I met up with Charlie last weekend in Baltimore. We spoke about many things, including his stepson. Our time together, like it’s always been with us, was special—melancholy, yes, but meaningful and productive as well.

Yet, it was one thing that Charlie mentioned that kept playing over and over in my head during my ride home to New Jersey. He said, “It’s weird, man; I feel so guilty for actually being okay on some days since my boy died.”

Doesn’t that just explain the arbitrary nature of thought, and the feelings that follow?

As I’ve said many times, our feelings are not initiated by what happens in our lives. Our feelings spring from the variable nature of our thinking. So, in spite of this tragic life event, when Charlie’s head is free of thought, he feels okay. When his head is muddled with thought, he doesn’t. Plus, Charlie’s guilt (a feeling) is the byproduct of trying to figure out why in the midst of this misfortune he sometimes feels all right, since this analysis only places more thought into his head.

It might be hard to grasp, but this sensitive illustration shows that nothing on the outside is ever responsible for our feeling state on the inside. And the degree to which a person sees this will determine his or her level of resilience. For Charlie, then, the more he understands that his thinking—and not his stepson’s death—is responsible for how he feels, the less he’ll analyze this situation and the less guilty he’ll feel.

Remember: No matter what happens to you, or your current emotions, always look inside—to the variable nature of your thinking—to explain your feelings. Like my friend, Charlie, you might not like the hand you’re dealt in life, but you’ll still be okay, find meaning, and carry on productively in spite of it.

Your Thoughts: Spiritual or Circumstantial?

I’ve received several questions about this sentence from last week’s article (http://garretkramer.com/excuses-excuses/): “I know it might sound strange, but remember: Thought is a spiritual principle; not a circumstantial one.”

So, let’s dig a little deeper into what I was driving at by considering this personal example: Last weekend I played golf. My second shot on the first hole missed the green wide right. I stepped up to my chip shot, pulled a club from my bag, and knocked the ball within a foot of the cup. Simple as pie.

On the second hole, my second shot missed the green wide left. I stepped up to the chip shot (which was actually an easier chip than I had on the first hole)—and, suddenly, I felt nervous. I had trouble selecting a club, and when I did, I was uncertain about how high or hard to hit the shot.

What happened next? I’ll tell you, but, first, a question:

In this example, do you see the insignificant nature of my circumstances? I had two chip shots (my circumstances), and my feeling state varied completely during each.

Why? The answer is my thinking.

On the first hole, my thinking was clear—for no particular reason. On the second hole, my thinking was cluttered—for no particular reason. When the mind is clear, human beings instinctually look, react, and excel. When it’s cluttered, well, let’s go back to what happened on the second green last weekend.

You see, because I have a fairly good grasp that the thoughts that pop into my head are spiritual—i.e., they come from a higher power, the unknown—I know they’re out of my control. I also know that my nerves, like all feelings, come from my thinking. So as I anxiously stood over my chip shot on the second hole, I did the exact same thing as I did on the first hole (with no effort to fix my jammed-up head): I simply pulled a club, addressed the ball, and hit the shot. The result: my chip finished six inches from the cup. Simple as pie.

Never forget: Your feelings do not come from your circumstances. It may not look that way, but understanding that you live in the feeling of your thinking is the key to accessing your built-in ability to get over your indifferent perceptions, move on, and overcome. In fact, as I hit my chip shot on the second hole, an amazing calm came over me. I looked away from my circumstances and toward the ebbs and flows of my thinking—in order to explain my nervousness—and, thus, I couldn’t fail.

And neither will you. I hope that clears things up—no matter what type of “chip shot” you face.

The Simplicity of Creating a Healthy Relationship,

If Only People Knew!
I’ve missed blogging to you on a regular basis, but I truly did not realize how much time it would take to write an eBook.

My co-author, Chris Heath, and I have received an unexpected amount of support for what I had originally envisioned would be just a small project. The good news is that we’re getting wonderful stories from 3 Principle teachers, around the globe, whose relationships grew in ways they never would have imagined before they learned about the Principles that are at the heart of all human experiences. Hearing or reading about others’ stories is a great way to gain insights that will assist your own relationships.

It occurred to me today, that I can still keep in touch with you this way — and let you know how the book is coming along, without having to wait until I have time to return to regular blog writing. Know that you will receive the eBook, free, for having signed up here,  it’s just going to take longer than I expected, to complete.

These are a few notes that came to me the other day — which may or may not be included in the book, but I thought I’d leave you with now…

At times, a person has said to me —
“Yes, I live in the moment. I believe in that too.” That person might then ask a question such as, “What about when an issue needs to be dealt with and resolved?” To which I might reply: “Interesting, how does that seem like living in the moment to you?”

The truth is — there is nothing to deal with when you’re in the moment — you’re just there taking care of whatever life presents and it always works out better if you can “deal” with whatever is being presented in a clear mind with pure wisdom in that moment.

When it comes to relationships, learning from the past is a misnomer. If we’re “learning from the past” then we may not be as aware of the nuances that are happening in the now, to where we have evolved. We’d just be stuck in our memory and our conditioned thinking missing out on insights, from a deeper wisdom, that will lead to a better experience in the now.

Wisdom, uncontaminated by personal or conditioned thinking, tells us how to take care of things in the moment. Sometimes our wisdom may say it’s best to just stay quiet and listen. Sometimes our wisdom might tell us, h/she needs reassurance or some sort of comfort but may be too upset to accept that right now, in which case you might just say, “I’d very much like to comfort you right now but I’m not sure that’s what you are wanting….”
Your compassion will come through and that is very powerful. Your partner may not stop railing, but it will calm things down a notch and you can just hang back and listen quietly, for there’s always something to be learned from what the other is expressing.

I’d love to hear your comments and whether or not this is the sort of thing you’d like to see in our book on relationships.

I’d also love to hear your response to the following working titles, and if you have a favorite or if you come up with something else that would illustrate the same idea, please let me know.

The Simplicity of Creating a Healthy Relationship, 
If Only People Knew!

Simple Truths Behind Healthy Relationships

Simple Truths Behind Rewarding Relationships…

Simple Facts That Create Healthy Relationships

And last, but definitely not least — please consider joining us at the annual conference in MN. in September 5-8! www.3principlesconference.eventbrite.com

The Simplicity of Creating a Healthy Relationship,

If Only People Knew!

I’ve missed blogging to you on a regular basis, but I truly did not realize how much time it would take to write an eBook.

My co-author, Chris Heath, and I have received an unexpected amount of support for what I had originally envisioned would be just a small project. The good news is that we’re getting wonderful stories from 3 Principle teachers, around the globe, whose relationships grew in ways they never would have imagined before they learned about the Principles that are at the heart of all human experiences. Hearing or reading about others’ stories is a great way to gain insights that will assist your own relationships.

It occurred to me today, that I can still keep in touch with you this way — and let you know how the book is coming along, without having to wait until I have time to return to regular blog writing. Know that you will receive the eBook, free, for having signed up here,  it’s just going to take longer than I expected, to complete.

These are a few notes that came to me the other day — which may or may not be included in the book, but I thought I’d leave you with now…

At times, a person has said to me —
“Yes, I live in the moment. I believe in that too.” That person might then ask a question such as, “What about when an issue needs to be dealt with and resolved?” To which I might reply: “Interesting, how does that seem like living in the moment to you?”

The truth is — there is nothing to deal with when you’re in the moment — you’re just there taking care of whatever life presents and it always works out better if you can “deal” with whatever is being presented in a clear mind with pure wisdom in that moment.

When it comes to relationships, learning from the past is a misnomer. If we’re “learning from the past” then we may not be as aware of the nuances that are happening in the now, to where we have evolved. We’d just be stuck in our memory and our conditioned thinking missing out on insights, from a deeper wisdom, that will lead to a better experience in the now.

Wisdom, uncontaminated by personal or conditioned thinking, tells us how to take care of things in the moment. Sometimes our wisdom may say it’s best to just stay quiet and listen. Sometimes our wisdom might tell us, h/she needs reassurance or some sort of comfort but may be too upset to accept that right now, in which case you might just say, “I’d very much like to comfort you right now but I’m not sure that’s what you are wanting….” Your compassion will come through and that is very powerful. Your partner may not stop railing, but it will calm things down a notch and you can just hang back and listen quietly, for there’s always something to be learned from what the other is expressing.

I’d love to hear your comments and whether or not this is the sort of thing you’d like to see in our book on relationships.

I’d also love to hear your response to the following working titles, and if you have a favorite or if you come up with something else that would illustrate the same idea, please let me know.

The Simplicity of Creating a Healthy Relationship,
If Only People Knew!

Simple Truths Behind Healthy Relationships

Simple Truths Behind Rewarding Relationships…

Simple Facts That Create Healthy Relationships

And last, but definitely not least — please consider joining us at the annual conference in MN. in September 5-8! www.3principlesconference.eventbrite.com

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The post The Simplicity of Creating a Healthy Relationship, appeared first on Lori Carpenos & Associates.

Moment of Truth – Judy Sedgeman

One day recently while I was eating lunch in a college cafeteria, a woman I had never met asked if she could sit at my table. She introduced herself as a psychologist who works with students. I told her I also have been a mental health educator for students.

“What method do you use?” she asked.

“You may not have heard of it. Innate Health. We teach people the fundamental source of mental well-being, described by the Principles that explain how our minds work.”

“I never heard of it,” she said. “I have studied all the evidence-based methods. I guess yours is not really mainstream, then.”

“It isn’t widely studied, but there are a considerable number of practitioners around the world. It is both a therapy and a prevention strategy because once people understand how their minds work, they do not fall prey to their most frightening thoughts.”

I described the Principles briefly, explaining that they point to a deeper, spiritual origin of our capacity to experience life.

“That sounds very nice,” she said. “Very philosophical. I don’t think it would help my patients, though. They have real problems.” She went on, becoming somewhat agitated in the course of her story, to talk about a young woman she would be seeing right after lunch who had become deeply depressed after breaking up with an abusive boyfriend because, regardless of how badly he treated her, she thought he was the love of her life. She thought she could have helped him if she had not broken up with him. “See,” the counselor said, “there’s no way it would help her to know how the mind works. She needs to know how to get on with her life.”

I didn’t say anything, just sat there and listened, as she went into more and more detail about this poor girl who is suffering so much because of the break-up. The counselor lamented that the girl was not taking any of her good advice, to make new friends, to get involved in a new activity, to look forward and not back. The more she described the case, the more upset she became herself.

Finally, she said, “You’re not saying anything. What would you do with a case like that?”

“Well, for one thing, I wouldn’t talk to her about her problems,” I said, “especially while she herself is upset and not thinking straight. I’d teach her how to find peace of mind and clarity, and then her own wisdom would kick in and she could find her own way...”

“That’s ridiculous!” the counselor interrupted. “You can’t be that disrespectful of people. They come to us because they want us to talk to them about their problems.”

“No,” I said, “I think they come because they want us to help them get free of their problems.”

“Of course,” she said, “but the only way to get free of them is to talk about them until you resolve them.” She started in, again, about all the things she was trying to explain to her patient and the new strategies she was going to try that day.

“Do you notice how upset you’re getting just talking about this girl?” I asked her. “It’s affecting me, and I don’t know either of you.”

“Of course I’m upset,” she said. “It’s a very difficult case. And I really need to help this girl. Her grades are suffering; she’s in a bad place.”

“Do you notice how it seems a lot more difficult the more upset you are?” I asked. “The case is sounding worse and worse the more you talk about it. Does it ever occur to you that no one, not even highly trained counselors, thinks very clearly when they’re upset and their minds are racing?”

She looked at me, surprised. “I am getting upset,” she said. “I didn’t even realize it.” “Well, if her problems upset you, too, where can she turn for hope?” I asked. “Don’t you

think it matters what state of mind you are in when you’re talking to your patients?” “Is that what you teach people about?” she asked.  “That’s a by-product of it.”

“Give me your card,” she said, as she picked up her lunch remains and started off to see her patient. “I’ll look into this.” 

Excuses, Excuses

Here’s a snapshot of the world around me in recent weeks:

  • I met with a couple who sought some advice for their daughter, a college softball player. One of their concerns was that the daughter’s coach had a habit of making their daughter feel bad and cry.
  • I asked a golf buddy how he fared in the state amateur golf championship. He told me that the greens were slow that week because of heavy rains. He said he doesn’t like, and never scores well on, slow greens.
  • Sitting in a coffee shop early on a Sunday morning, I watched a disheveled woman walk in and beg a man at the counter for a cup of coffee and something to eat. The man ignored her, stormed out, and under his breath asserted that beggars make him “so ___ angry.”

My gosh. It’s time we all wake up.

Our feelings come from inside of us, folks. Nothing on the outside can affect what happens on the inside; including our aptitude to perform to the best of our ability, or do good for others for that matter.

Now this is a drastic departure from the outside-in paradigm that has swept our culture. Just watch commercials on TV, peruse the websites of the world’s most famous self-help experts, or simply listen to your friends hold others responsible for their own emotions or level of performance—and it’s impossible to miss what I’m talking about. One well-known self-help author has even fashioned a career by telling people what to do when external circumstances knocks them down. Why in the world do we need strategies to overcome something that has no capacity to knock us down in the first place?

Indeed, just about everyone seems to be searching for an excuse for why they feel or act the way they do. I do it, too. Every now and then I fault others, or my circumstances, for how I feel and lose my way. But, thankfully, most of the time I remember that it won’t help to blame my past, my environment, or someone else. Why? Because the only creator of my feelings is me. I just need to look inside when I struggle—to the ever-changing nature of my thinking—all my answers are there.

President Obama gave the commencement speech at Morehouse College last week. His words were indicative of his level of understanding for the fact that we shape our perceptions from the inside out and not the outside in. He said to the graduating students:

“Growing up, I made quite a few (mistakes) myself. Sometimes I wrote off my own failings as just another example of the world trying to keep a black man down. I had a tendency to make excuses for me not doing the right thing.”

But, the president implored, “We’ve got no more time for excuses.”

Right on, Mr. President. Wise men rarely offer excuses. Sure, sometimes they think wayward thoughts (like faulting others). But they understand that—no matter how much it looks otherwise—their thinking and the feelings that follow have nothing to do with other people, events, or their surroundings.

I know it might sound strange, but remember: Thought is a spiritual principal; not a circumstantial one. And this, surprisingly enough, is the simple secret to avoiding excuses, finding solutions, and contributing positively to the world instead.